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Talking Clock Joke

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

College Money

Brian called up his mom from Humbolt College and asked her for some more spending money, because he had spent it all on Totino's Party Pizzas. Mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uh, oh yeah, OK," responded Brian. When she gets back, Dad asked, 'Well how much did you give Brian this time? Mom said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20, and the other for $1000" "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy?" "Don't worry hon," Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 check somewhere between the pages in Chapter 11!"

Software Designer Joke

How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three College Professors Were Driving Joke

Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed. A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous. The driver pointed out the sign that read "20." He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign. The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20. Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant. As the policeman turned to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor ...looking scared to death! He asked the driver, "What's wrong with them?" The driver replied, "We just turned off Highway 105."

Halloween And Christmas

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

What Do You Do When Your Nose Goes On Strike

What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

Star Trek And Toilet Paper

What do the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

Lesbian With Fat Fingers Joke

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

Jack Off Dilema?

If Jack helped you off your horse, later would you return the favor and help Jack off his horse?

New Baby

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands, so the proud father stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of, but the baby just wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to all the father had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area. When he opened the diaper, he found was indeed full. "Here's the problem," the doctor explained. "He just needs to be changed." The perplexed father remarked, "But the diaper package specifically says it's good for up to 10 pounds!"

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