JOKES INDEX

Joke: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Joke: Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake!

Joke: Wife, "Honey, don't forget to buy bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you." Husband, "Who is Valerie?" Wife, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw buy text." Husband, "But I'm with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?" Wife, "What?! Where are you?" Husband, "Near the bakery." Wife, "Wait, I'm coming right now!" After five minutes the wife sends a message: Wife, "I'm at the bakery, where are you?" Husband, "I'm at work. Now that you're at the bakery, you can buy the bread!"

Joke: If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

Joke: The wicked witch from the south watches the watch that’s turning anti-clockwise, so now everyone knows now which witch watches what watch.

Joke: If you see me smiling, it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've already done it.

Joke: Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza, I ate pizza.

Joke: I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Joke: I put grandma on speed dial and now I have Insta-Gram!

Joke: Bought a can of fly spray. Sprayed it all over me. I still can't fly.