JOKES INDEX

Joke: I know I shouldn't have, but I am old and I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness. When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again, Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.

Joke: Ate two cans of Alphabet Soup. Had a terrible vowel movement.

Joke: I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

Joke: Did a little mechanic work today. Put a rear end in a recliner.

Joke: Police, "Why didn't you report your credit card stolen?" Man, "The thief was spending less than my wife."

Joke: Husband, "Honey I broke a glass in the kitchen." Wife, "I'm coming with the broom." Husband, "It isn't urgent, you can come on foot."

Joke: Men are like shoelaces, they go through many holes before they tie the knot.

Joke: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech tree says to the birch tree, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker into!"

Joke: Oh no! Clocks go back on November 1st. and I can't remember where I bought mine from!

Joke: Sometimes you meet someone and you know from the first moment that you want to spend the rest of your life without them!