Joke: Mark was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Mark decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Mark. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Mark soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Mark. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Mark thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Mark. Although he survived, it took several months before Mark fully recovered. Now Mark was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it, Mark, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?
Joke: I went out for Chinese food last night and got chatting with the waiter. He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a kamikaze pilot and his code name was "Chow Mein". I said, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?" To which he replied, "Yes, but I was Chicken Chow Mein"
Joke: This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.
Joke: This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the druggist tells her, "If you’re going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don’t shave for a couple of days." The lady says: "I’m not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.." The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."
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