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What Would Jesus Do?

I found $20 in a parking lot and thought to myself, What would Jesus do?

The Favorite Child

I wish my siblings would stop calling me "spoiled" just because I'm the baby in the family. The fact is, my parents kept having children until they found one they liked. It's so not my issue.

Alexa Knows

"Alexa, where's my dad?" Alexa, "Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas." "Ha! Gotcha, my dad is sitting right next to me." Alexa, "Your mom's husband is sitting right next to you. Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas."

Tennessee And Arkansas

What did Tennessee?

Cheers To Bread

To the person who invented bread. I'd like to propose a toast.

Time Vs Money

The biggest difference between time and money: You always know how much money you have but you never know how much time you have.

Use Vodka To Clean House

Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house... it worked! The more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked.

Drink Whiskey

Some very sad news. My relationship with whiskey is on the rocks.

Funny Guys Are Dangerous

Funny guys are dangerous, they'll make you laugh and laugh and laugh then boom you're naked.

Frozen Windows Joke

A woman in Wisconsin texted her husband early one morning, "Windows Frozen". Husband texted back, "Gently pour lukewarm water on windows". Later wife texted back, "Computer REALLY messed up now".

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