Dad Jokes Page 3 of 4 Fart.com

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An Avocado In Church Joke

What do you call an avocado in church?

Cook An Alligator Joke

What's the best way to cook an alligator?

Dad Jokes — Cook an alligator joke Joke Meme.

4th Of July Duck Joke

What do you call a duck on the 4th of July?

Tiny Surfer Joke

What kind of wave do tiny surfers ride?

Highlighter Joke

I'm going to start collecting highlighters... mark my words!

Dad Jokes — Highlighter Joke Joke Meme

A Farmers Daughter Joke

A farmer drove to his neighbor's house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad home?", asked the farmer. "No, they went to town.", the boy answered. How about your brother, Howard? asked the farmer. "No, he went to town with mom and dad.", answered the boy. The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy said, "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well", said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant." The boy thought for a moment, then said, "You'll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charged $500 for bulls and $150 for pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

How do you get a good price on a sled?

Gardening Season Joke

It's gardening season. 6 weeks ago I planted my arse on the sofa. It's grown considerably

Dad Jokes — Gardening Season Joke Joke Meme

Cookie Meat Joke

I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

Hot Or Cold Joke

What’s faster hot or cold?

Strip Down Joke

The cashier told me, "Strip down facing me". By the time I realized they meant the debit card, it was too late.

Take Your Kid To Work Day Joke

An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her dad on "Take your kid to work day." As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. He father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly; "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

Two Little People Walk Into A Mini Bar Joke

Two little people walk into a mini bar...

Did You Hear About The Kidnapping At The School Joke

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the School?

Killing Flies Joke

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," he replied. "Oh, killed any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he answered. Intrigued the wife asked, "How can you tell them apart?" The husband replied, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Police Interview Joke

The police asked where I was between 5 and 6.. so I told them nursery school.

Know The Lyrics

I hate when I'm singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong...

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Search And Rescue Joke

I heard on the news that Search and Rescue had plucked 2 stranded fishermen out of the ocean and were looking for their capsized boat. I thought, Gee, how are they ever going to find something that small.

Voting Elves Joke

Where do Elves go to vote?

Hawaiian Pizza

I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.

Leather Pants

Research has shown that when a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats faster, his throat gets dry, and he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Then it was discovered why... She smells like a new truck.

Elements Joke

How often do you like jokes about elements?

Days Of The Weak Joke

Saturday and Sunday's are the strongest days... all the rest are weak days!

Girlfriends Eyebrows Joke

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!

Guy With No Arms And No Legs, In A Pot Of Boiling Water Joke

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pot of boiling water?

Worse Than Raining Cats And Dogs Joke

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Stegosauruses Joke

Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?

Frog Parking Only

What happens when a frog illegally parks?

Minneapolis Joke

We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

I saw a 2000 years old stain... It was from ancient greece.

David Hasselhoff Walked Into A Bar Joke

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "It's a pleasure to serve you Mr. Hasselhoff," said the bartender. "Just call me Hoff," the actor replied. "Sure," the bartender said, "no hassle."

Shared Amazon Account Joke

What do you call a couple who share an Amazon account?

Dark Spelled With A K

Why is "dark" spelled with a "K" and not a "C"?

Elephant And Naked Man Joke

You hear what the elephant said to the naked man?

Tweety Bird Hospital Joke

Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?

Astronauts Feet Joke

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Book Fell On My Head Joke

Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.

Coming With The Broom

Husband, "Honey I broke a glass in the kitchen." Wife, "I'm coming with the broom." Husband, "It isn't urgent, you can come on foot."

How Do You Pronounce Lafayette?

A honeymooning couple was passing through Louisiana. When they were approaching Lafayette, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they got to the town, where they decided to stop for lunch. As they stood at the counter, the man said, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us. Would you very slowly pronounce where we are?" The guy behind the corner leaned over and said, "Burrrrrrrr gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing"

Computer Password Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Dogs Can't Read

Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!

Butter Rumor

Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?

Hokey Pokey

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.

Little Mermaid Joke

What did the Little Mermaid wear to math class?

Wife Bra

I almost tripped over my wife’s bra the other day... I'm sure it was a booby trap.

Hospital Joke

What part of the hospital has the least privacy?

Going Deaf Joke

The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.

Cut Lightning Joke

How do you cut lightning?

Football Player Who Likes Dad Jokes

What do you call a football player that likes dad jokes?

Tortilla Factory Joke

Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?

Cat's Favorite Nursery Rhyme Joke

What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?

Vegan Argument

If two vegans get into an argument... is it still considered a beef?

Toilet Paper Cross The Road Joke

Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

Sushi Talking To Bee's Joke

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Flower Ride Its Bike Joke

Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?

No House Numbers Joke

If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!

People Who Never Get Angry Joke

What kind of people never get angry?

Time Travel Joke

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke ...but you guys didn't like it.

Fake Noodle Joke

What do you call a fake noodle?

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home all the signs were there!

Wise Man Joke

A wise man once told his wife nothing, because he was a wise man.

Runners Memory Joke

What do runners do when they forget something?

Monster Dessert Joke

What is a monster's favorite dessert?

Jack And The Bean Stalk Joke

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

Lego Joke

Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!

Chewing Electric Cords Joke

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I grounded him. He's doing better currently. And conducting himself properly...

Lose Weight Joke

I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep.

Iron Man Joke

Why Iron-man and not Fe-male?

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Magic Dog Joke

What do you call a magic dog?

Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Stimulus Check Joke

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

EMT Joke

Why did the two EMT's travel together?

Communist Joke

I prefer communist jokes because everyone gets them.

Unemployment Joke

I have a lot of unemployment jokes but none of them work.

Hard Tea Joke

What is the hardest tea to swallow!

Which Floor

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.

Almond Diet

I thought about going on an all almond diet... But that's just nuts!

Canned Meat Joke

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!

Broken Hinges Joke

If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges... My door is always open.

Crocodile With GPS Joke

What do you call a crocodile with GPS?

Star Wars Pirate Joke

What do you get if you cross Star Wars and a Pirate?

Texas Capital

What is the capital of Texas?

Tree Scientist Joke

What do you call a tree that does science experiments?

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?

Pig With Laryngitis Joke

Did you hear about the pig with laryngitis?

Sinking Lamp Joke

Why didn't the lamp sink?

Use You Big Boy Words Joke

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

Rabbits Walking Backwards Joke

What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?

Dad Jokes Joke

Where does Dad keep his Dad jokes?

Tree Stand Joke

How do you make a tree-stand?

Dropped Your Laundry Joke

My wife has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

Disable Autocorrect Joke

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.

Boiling Water Obituary Joke

Rest in peace boiling water... You will be mist.

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