Dad Jokes Page 1 of 4 Fart.com

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Breakfast Bar

Whenever I try and eat healthy a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers!

Pop Culture Joke

My whole life I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair... Somehow, I just knew.

Dad Jokes — Pop Culture Joke Joke Meme.

What Do They Sing To Christmas Trees At The Retirement Parties

What do they sing to Christmas trees at the retirement parties?

Aerobic Instructors Joke

How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Why Do Santa's Helpers Get Depressed

Why do Santa's helpers get depressed?

Dad Jokes — Why do Santa's helpers get depressed Joke Meme

Professional Help

I think I need professional help...

Ok Boomer

I don't know how to use TikTok, but I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time on clocks with hands... so there's that.

What Do You Do When Your Nose Goes On Strike

What do you do when your nose goes on strike?

Dad Jokes — What do you do when your nose goes on strike Joke Meme

Melon Joke

Why do melons have weddings?

Confucius Pun

Confucius say man who walks around with hands in pocket all day long feels cocky.

Wearing Glasses With A Mask

Did you know that people who have to wear glasses with their mask... may be entitled to condensation.

Mama Cow Joke

What do you call a mama cow after it had its baby?

Grandpa Is Addicted To Viagra

I found out that my grandpa is addicted to Viagra... no one is taking it harder than grandma!

Wise Man Vs A Fool Joke

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

Eggs In A Carton Joke

What did the good egg say to the bad egg?

Why Did The Elephant Call The Locksmith

Why did the elephant call the locksmith?

Tick Joke

Why can't ticks keep a secret?

Elephant On A Highway

What was the elephant doing on the highway?

Gardener Joke

I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!

A Group Of Chess Enthusiasts

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Small Lizard Joke

Why did the husband bring his wife a small lizard?

Chicken Salad Joke

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?

Hispanic Friends

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends... It means a lot to them!

What Part Of A Museum Has The Most Allergies?

What part of a museum has the most allergies?

Clocks Go Back

Oh no! Clocks go back on November 1st. and I can't remember where I bought mine from!

Tom The Turkey Joke

Tom the turkey played baseball... Unfortunately, he hit a fowl ball!

Telling Dad Jokes

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

What Does Gays Mean?

I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....

Bon Jovi Joke

Did you hear that Jon Bon Jovi is on a strict fruit diet?

Pensive Treat

Which tree is the most pensive?

Blind Mans Friends

Why couldn't the blind man see his friends?

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing, she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks, the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife on the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said. "She's selling batteries." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the Seashore."

Grease Joke

I told my therapist that I couldn't get the Grease Soundtrack out of my head.

You Only Need Two Tools

You only need two tools in life... WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40... If it moves and it shouldn't, use duct tape.

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Why do Leprechauns like to garden?

Optometrist Music Joke

What music do optometrists listen to?

Butcher Overtime Joke

Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

How does a Japanese dog say hello?

Three Trees And A Woodpecker

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech tree says to the birch tree, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch tree says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, "It is Neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever had my pecker into!"

No Fault Of Mine Joke

Some people won't admit their faults. I would, if I had any.

Funny Farm Animals Joke

What do you call farm animals with a sense of humor?

Umbrella Joke

What should you do with all your spare umbrellas?

Tennis Joke

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend... Love meant nothing to her!

Quitting Is Easy Joke

Quitting Is Easy, It's Not Starting Again That's Hard.

One-Armed Blonde

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?

Popular Dance In 1776 Joke

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

Run Fast In New Shoes Joke

Not a single person asked me if I could run fast in my new shoes today. Being an adult is stupid!

Kidnapped By Mimes Joke

I was kidnapped by mimes... They did unspeakable things to me.

Rabbi Circumcision Joke

Do you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions?

Sith Who Won't Fight Joke

What do you call a Sith who won't fight?

Ipad Thief Joke

The guy who stole my iPad... He should FaceTime!

Taco Tuesday Joke

Seven days without a taco makes Juan weak!

Stuck In A Corner

What stays in one corner but goes all over the US?

American Expenditures

According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students.

Midnight Snack

I woke up to drink some water in the middle of the night and I accidentally ate a whole pizza and cheesecake.

Conspiracy Theorist Bar Joke

Two conspiracy theorist walk into a bar... Or do they.

Why Is Z The Best Letter In The Alphabet Joke

Why is Z the best letter in the alphabet?

Why Do You Still Carry A Comb?

I shaved my head when I started going bald years ago, but I still carry a comb... I just can’t part with it.

Art Museum Joke

Why did the art thief's van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Happy Dwarf Joke

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

French Stubbed Toe Joke

When French people stub their toe, do they say "Ow-Oui"?

Phone Call In Middle Of The Night Joke

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 AM. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies, "How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!" and hangs up. Her husband rolls over and asks, "Sweetheart, who was that?" "I don’t know, some dumb woman asking if the coast is clear."

Left Side Cut Off Joke

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?

Laughing Dog Joke

What type a dog laughs at every joke?

Why Did The Author Put On A Sweater?

Why did the author put on a sweater?

Confident Vs. Confidential

A young boy asks his dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that's confidential!"

Wisdom Comes With Age Joke

As you get older, you'll realize that a $300 watch and a $30 watch both tell the same time. A Micheal Kors wallet and a Forever 21 wallet hold the same amount of money. A $300,000 house and a $100,000 house host the same loneliness. A Ford will drive you as far as a Bentley. True happiness is not found in materialistic things, it comes from the love and laughter found with each other. Stay humble... the holes dug for us in the ground are the same size.

Final Memory Joke

Your final memory will be going down a dark tunnel with a light at the end... That's my earliest memory too!

Another Personal Trainer Joke

I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough... I've just handed in my TOO WEAK notice!

Dog Zoo Joke

Did you hear about the zoo where the only exhibit was a dog?

Pizza Joke

I have a joke about pizza... It's a little cheesy!

Pig Write A Letter Joke

How does a pig write a letter?

Pig With Ink On His Face Joke

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

PhD In Dad Jokes

What does it take to get a PhD in Dad Jokes?

Condensation In Home Joke

Does anyone know how to stop condensation in my home? Please call, the kettle is always on.

Did You Know Alligator Vs Crocodile Joke

Did you know? You can distinguish between an alligator and a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or after a while.

Zoo With No Dogs Joke

What do you call a zoo with no dogs?

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Why did the dragon sleep all day?

A Parachutist Joke

A parachutist is falling towards earth and can't get his parachute to open. Surprisingly he sees a guy flying up from earth and yells over to him "hey do you know anything about parachutes?" the other guys respond "no, do you know anything about gas grills?!

Hold Water Joke

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like well damn.

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!

Shrinking Clothes

All this time I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. It turns out it was the refrigerator!

Middle Age Joke

How can you tell when you've reached middles age?

Midwife Joke

Midwives deserve a lot of respect... They really help people out!

Cannabis Farmers

Do cannabis farmers use weed killer?

It's Illegal To Laugh Loudly In Hawaii Joke

Did you know that in Hawaii, it’s actually illegal to laugh loudly?

Mother Of Jesus Joke

Since Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God... Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

Clear The Table Joke

My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!

Picking Berries

When Gathering Berries... You have to be picky!

Declaration Of Independence Joke

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

Talking Lights Joke

What did one light say to the other light?

Trees Poop Joke

How do we know that trees poop?

Hot Garlic Joke

What does garlic do when it gets hot?

Rodent Repellent Joke

Has anyone else used WD40 to get rid of mice?

Dubai Abu Dhabi Difference Joke

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

I'm Giving Up

I'm posting this with a heavy heart... As much as I love photography and everything that comes with it, it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the home. So something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear. Below is a list of what is available. Serious inquiries only, no stupid offers please. Thanks for reading and understanding. Here is what I have for sale: 1. Vacuum cleaner 2. Dustpan and brush 3. Mop and bucket 4. Cat 5. Iron 6. Laundry detergent 7. Various Mr Muscle products Thank you.

Talk In My Sleep Joke

My wife says that I talk in my sleep but I don't believe her... nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

Dolly Parton Diet

My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet.... It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe Lean, Joe leannnnn!

Red, White, Blue And Green Joke

What's red, white and blue, and green?

Not Your Cheese Joke

What kind of cheese can never be yours?

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