Dad Jokes Page 4 of 4 Fart.com

«
1
2
3
4
»

Sort Rating

Use You Big Boy Words Joke

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

Dad Jokes Joke

Where does Dad keep his Dad jokes?

Dad Jokes — Dad Jokes Joke Joke Meme.

Tree Stand Joke

How do you make a tree-stand?

Dropped Your Laundry Joke

My wife has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

Disable Autocorrect Joke

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

Dad Jokes — Disable Autocorrect Joke Joke Meme

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.

Boiling Water Obituary Joke

Rest in peace boiling water... You will be mist.

How Does An Astronaut Cut His Hair On The Moon?

How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon?

Dad Jokes — How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon? Joke Meme

Clairvoyant Midget

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escapes police custody?

Hellman Mayonnaise Joke

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ...Sinko de Mayo.

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Why is water heavier than butane?

Santa Sleigh

How much did Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Angry Snowman Joke

Why shouldn't snowmen get angry?

Nacho's Favorite Dance Joke

What's a nacho's favorite dance?

Tiger Stripes Joke

Why do tigers have stripes?

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

A Trees Favorite Drink Joke

What is a tree's favorite drink?

Gingerbread Man Treatment Joke

How did the gingerbread man treat his injured leg?

A Tree In The Hand Joke

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

Paper Towel Searcher Joke

What do you call someone who searches for paper towels?

My Wife's Birthday

My Wife's birthday is coming up in a few months. She's leaving jewelry catalogs around the house. Think I'll buy her a magazine rack.

I'm Running Away From Home.

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear, and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!" The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said. "Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?" "I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?" "Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!"

Autumn Leaves

I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

Opening Doors

When one door closes, another one opens. This is the last time I'm buying a used car.

My Friend David

My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.

Himalayan Rabbit Stew Joke

Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found him-a-layan in the road.

String To The Game Joke

Why did the football player bring string to the game?

A Really Dumb Dad Joke

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff... Baa-dumm-tss.

ATM Addicted To Money Joke

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

Do You Feel Any Pain?

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

Ewoks Communicate Joke

How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?

Snowman 6-Pack Joke

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

Upset Toast Joke

What did the upset toast say about my compliments?

Gym Day

Did 3 laps around the gym today... Couldn't find a parking spot so I went home.

Funny Mountain Joke

What do you call a funny mountain?

Smiling Or Laughing

If you see me smiling, it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've already done it.

Princess Leia Shopping Joke

Where does Princess Leia go clothes shopping?

U.S. Coin Shortage

Did you hear that there is a coin shortage?

Nose Picker Joke

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like was just born with mine.

Stopped Drinking Coffee

I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the vodka.

Wife And Kids Joke

I keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet... It reminds me of why there is no money there!

Blue And Not Heavy Joke

What is blue and not heavy?

Pig Tug Of War Joke

What do you call two pigs playing tug of war?

Talking Plate Joke

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Igloo Joke

I wish I still had that igloo. But when I moved into it, my friends threw me a housewarming party. And I no longer had an igloo.

Golfers Favorite Letter Joke

What's a golfer's favorite letter?

Robot Guacamole Joke

What do robots have with their guacamole?

Dentist X-Rays Joke

What to dentists call their X-Rays?

Onions And Beans Joke

What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Frog Wear Joke

What do stylish frogs wear?

How Do You Get A Farm Girls Attention Joke

How do you get a farm girls attention?

National Taco Day Joke

To me, essential oils are what drips out of a taco.

Buttcheeks Joke

Is "Buttcheeks" one word?

I Buy All My Weapons From A Guy Named T-REX Joke

I buy all my weapons from a guy named T-REX... He's a small arms dealer!

Ran Out Of Toilet Paper Joke

Ran out of toilet paper today and now using lettuce. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

ABC Joke

Ate two cans of Alphabet Soup. Had a terrible vowel movement.

Koala Bear Joke

Why don't koala bears hang around other bears?

My Earliest Childhood Memory Joke

My earliest childhood memory was getting my first pair of glasses... Life before that was a blur.

What Did One Hat Say To The Other Hat

What did one hat say to the other hat?

Farmer Needs New Cows

How does a farmer find new cows to buy?

Shrinking Man See's A Doctor

A man runs into the doctor's office screaming that he is shrinking. The doc says, "Calm down you just need to be a little patient."

Caveman Survival Joke

How did the caveman survive the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs?

Money Grows On Trees Joke

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Strawberries

A neighbor suggested I put manure on my strawberries. Tasted horrible! I'm sticking with whipped cream!

Windy Camping

Why should you never go camping in 100 kmh wind?

Falling Autumn Leaves

It's autumn. My wife asked me why I won't rake the leaves?. I said, "It's because they're called leaves. If they were called pick-me-ups I would pick them up, but they're called leaves so I leave them."

Trump Locked Out Of White House Joke.

Why can't Donald Trump go to the White House anymore?

Gust Of Winds Favorite Color Joke

What is a gust of wind's favorite color?

Beer And Beans.

I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans. I'll call it Farts & Crafts.

Astronaut’s Favorite Part Of A Computer

What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?

IKEA Was Appointed Prime Minister Of Sweden Joke

Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.

Canary Island Joke

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.

Pet Store Pun

The local pet store is having a free giveaway on birds today...no perches necessary.

Fishing Or Sunday School

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Billy, is there anything wrong"? The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church". The teacher was very impressed and asked Billy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. Billy replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".

Alberts Brother

We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius but...

Elephant Fart Joke

What is the difference between a drinking establishment and an elephant's fart?

Where Do Football Players Go To Get A New Uniform Joke

Where do football players go to get a new uniform?

Picking Up A Hottie Joke

I'm now at the age when "Picking up a hottie" means buying a rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Seagulls

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

IDK Joke

My uncle asked me what does IDK mean? I said, "I Don't Know". He said, "Damn, nobody does!"

Fattest Knight

What’s the name of the fattest knight at the Round Table?

Kangaroo Joke

What do kangaroos wear to work?

Bicycle Joke

Why did the bicycle collapse?

Pterodactyl Pun

The reason you can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom is because the pee is silent.

Zombie Looks Joke

Why don’t zombies care about looks?

Crabs Joke

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Poop Joke

Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid number two.

What Do You Call A Broke Santa Claus

What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

Right And Left Brain

I finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Fly Spray

Bought a can of fly spray. Sprayed it all over me. I still can't fly.

Where Does Poo Come From?

My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked at me a little perplexed and stared at me in silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

I Just Ate A Bunch Of Scrabble Tiles Joke

I just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles accidentally... My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

Begger

A man at the gas station asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give me one of those. So, I gave him my electric bill.

Make Yourself At Home

When I go to someone else's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

Winter Is Coming

We're expecting such a cold winter, the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far, 3 of my relatives have disappeared.

Snow Men Vs Snow Women Joke

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Wife's Birthday?

My wife said I ruined her birthday! That's ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her Birthday?

How Do You Get A Mouse To Smile

How do you get a mouse to smile?

«
1
2
3
4
»