Dad Jokes Page 4 of 4 Fart.com

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How Does An Astronaut Cut His Hair On The Moon?

How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon?

Clairvoyant Midget

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escapes police custody?

Dad Jokes — Clairvoyant Midget Joke Meme.

Hellman Mayonnaise Joke

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ...Sinko de Mayo.

Karate Pig Joke

What do you call a pig that does karate?

Santa Sleigh

How much did Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Dad Jokes — Santa Sleigh Joke Meme

Angry Snowman Joke

Why shouldn't snowmen get angry?

Nacho's Favorite Dance Joke

What's a nacho's favorite dance?

Detective Duck Joke

What was the goal of the detective duck?

Dad Jokes — Detective duck joke Joke Meme

A Really Dumb Dad Joke

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff... Baa-dumm-tss.

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

A Trees Favorite Drink Joke

What is a tree's favorite drink?

Gingerbread Man Treatment Joke

How did the gingerbread man treat his injured leg?

A Tree In The Hand Joke

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

Paper Towel Searcher Joke

What do you call someone who searches for paper towels?

My Wife's Birthday

My Wife's birthday is coming up in a few months. She's leaving jewelry catalogs around the house. Think I'll buy her a magazine rack.

Autumn Leaves

I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

Opening Doors

When one door closes, another one opens. This is the last time I'm buying a used car.

Heavier Than Butane Jokes

Why is water heavier than butane?

My Friend David

My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.

String To The Game Joke

Why did the football player bring string to the game?

Tiger Stripes Joke

Why do tigers have stripes?

50 Cent Hungry Joke

What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?

ATM Addicted To Money Joke

Did you hear about the ATM that was addicted to money?

Do You Feel Any Pain?

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

I'm Running Away From Home.

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear, and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!" The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he said. "Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child. "And what if you run out of money?" "I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child. The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?" "Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply. The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!"

Snowman 6-Pack Joke

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

Upset Toast Joke

What did the upset toast say about my compliments?

Himalayan Rabbit Stew Joke

Tonight we're having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found him-a-layan in the road.

Gym Day

Did 3 laps around the gym today... Couldn't find a parking spot so I went home.

Funny Mountain Joke

What do you call a funny mountain?

Ewoks Communicate Joke

How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?

Smiling Or Laughing

If you see me smiling, it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've already done it.

U.S. Coin Shortage

Did you hear that there is a coin shortage?

Nose Picker Joke

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like was just born with mine.

Stopped Drinking Coffee

I found that I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice. My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it's the vodka.

Wife And Kids Joke

I keep a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet... It reminds me of why there is no money there!

Blue And Not Heavy Joke

What is blue and not heavy?

Pig Tug Of War Joke

What do you call two pigs playing tug of war?

Talking Plate Joke

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Princess Leia Shopping Joke

Where does Princess Leia go clothes shopping?

Golfers Favorite Letter Joke

What's a golfer's favorite letter?

Robot Guacamole Joke

What do robots have with their guacamole?

Dentist X-Rays Joke

What to dentists call their X-Rays?

Onions And Beans Joke

What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?

Caveman Survival Joke

How did the caveman survive the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs?

Frog Wear Joke

What do stylish frogs wear?

Igloo Joke

I wish I still had that igloo. But when I moved into it, my friends threw me a housewarming party. And I no longer had an igloo.

National Taco Day Joke

To me, essential oils are what drips out of a taco.

Buttcheeks Joke

Is "Buttcheeks" one word?

I Buy All My Weapons From A Guy Named T-REX Joke

I buy all my weapons from a guy named T-REX... He's a small arms dealer!

Ran Out Of Toilet Paper Joke

Ran out of toilet paper today and now using lettuce. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

How Do You Get A Farm Girls Attention Joke

How do you get a farm girls attention?

Beer And Beans.

I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans. I'll call it Farts & Crafts.

Koala Bear Joke

Why don't koala bears hang around other bears?

My Earliest Childhood Memory Joke

My earliest childhood memory was getting my first pair of glasses... Life before that was a blur.

What Did One Hat Say To The Other Hat

What did one hat say to the other hat?

Farmer Needs New Cows

How does a farmer find new cows to buy?

Shrinking Man See's A Doctor

A man runs into the doctor's office screaming that he is shrinking. The doc says, "Calm down you just need to be a little patient."

ABC Joke

Ate two cans of Alphabet Soup. Had a terrible vowel movement.

Falling Autumn Leaves

It's autumn. My wife asked me why I won't rake the leaves?. I said, "It's because they're called leaves. If they were called pick-me-ups I would pick them up, but they're called leaves so I leave them."

Strawberries

A neighbor suggested I put manure on my strawberries. Tasted horrible! I'm sticking with whipped cream!

Where Do Football Players Go To Get A New Uniform Joke

Where do football players go to get a new uniform?

Money Grows On Trees Joke

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Gust Of Winds Favorite Color Joke

What is a gust of wind's favorite color?

Windy Camping

Why should you never go camping in 100 kmh wind?

Trump Locked Out Of White House Joke.

Why can't Donald Trump go to the White House anymore?

Astronaut’s Favorite Part Of A Computer

What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?

IKEA Was Appointed Prime Minister Of Sweden Joke

Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.

Canary Island Joke

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.

Fishing Or Sunday School

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt so she asked, "Billy, is there anything wrong"? The boy replied, "No, I was going fishing but my dad told me that I needed to go to church". The teacher was very impressed and asked Billy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. Billy replied, "Yes teacher, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us".

Alberts Brother

We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius but...

Pet Store Pun

The local pet store is having a free giveaway on birds today...no perches necessary.

Bicycle Joke

Why did the bicycle collapse?

Elephant Fart Joke

What is the difference between a drinking establishment and an elephant's fart?

How Do You Get A Mouse To Smile

How do you get a mouse to smile?

IDK Joke

My uncle asked me what does IDK mean? I said, "I Don't Know". He said, "Damn, nobody does!"

Fattest Knight

What’s the name of the fattest knight at the Round Table?

Kangaroo Joke

What do kangaroos wear to work?

Seagulls

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Zombie Looks Joke

Why don’t zombies care about looks?

Pterodactyl Pun

The reason you can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom is because the pee is silent.

Poop Joke

Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes, but they are a solid number two.

Crabs Joke

Why do crabs never give to charity?

Right And Left Brain

I finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

What Do You Call A Broke Santa Claus

What do you call a broke Santa Claus?

Fly Spray

Bought a can of fly spray. Sprayed it all over me. I still can't fly.

Begger

A man at the gas station asked me for a dollar. I told him I only carry big bills. He said give me one of those. So, I gave him my electric bill.

I Just Ate A Bunch Of Scrabble Tiles Joke

I just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles accidentally... My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

Make Yourself At Home

When I go to someone else's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

Where Does Poo Come From?

My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked at me a little perplexed and stared at me in silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

Snow Men Vs Snow Women Joke

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Winter Is Coming

We're expecting such a cold winter, the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far, 3 of my relatives have disappeared.

There Is Only One Thing I Can't Deal With Joke

There is only one thing I can't deal with...

Wife's Birthday?

My wife said I ruined her birthday! That's ridiculous! I didn't even know it was her Birthday?

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