Animal Jokes Page 2 of 3 Fart.com

«
1
2
3
»

Sort Rating

Lobster Joke

Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. Paid my $2, then he says, "Once upon a time there was this lobster...".

Sleeping Cows

If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it's pasture bedtime?

Animal Jokes — Sleeping Cows Joke Meme.

Wild Falcons

Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the world today were born in the 21st century... They're millennial falcons!

Humming Bird Joke

Why are they called humming birds?

Shark Attack Facts

Did you know... Sharks will only attack you when you're wet?

Animal Jokes — Shark Attack Facts Joke Meme

Where Do Polar Bears Vote Joke

Where do polar bears vote?

Dog That Won't Fetch Or Listen Joke

What do you call a dog that won't fetch or listen?

What Did The Horse Say When It Fell Joke

What did the horse say when it fell?

Animal Jokes — What did the horse say when it fell joke Joke Meme

Monkey Say To Banana Joke

What did the monkey say to the banana?

Why Did The Kitten Smell So Good?

Why did the kitten smell so good?

Two Ducks Walk Into A Bar...

Two ducks walk into a bar... One duck looks at the other and says, "Guess you didn't see it either."

Donkey And Onion

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

When Do The Fish Bite?

Fish bite twice a day. Before you get there and after you leave.

Fresh Thanksgiving Turkey

Shot my first turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

Pig Nose Joke

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Dinosaurs Floors Joke

What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?

Hide The Easter Egg Joke

Why did the Easter Egg hide?

Dirty Rabbit Joke

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue-ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. ???? I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me ????) Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

Basketball Pig Joke

What do you call a pig that plays basketball?

Sick Pig Joke

How do you take a sick pig to the hospital?

Pig Drivers Joke

Why are pigs bad drivers?

Smartest Pig In The World

Who is the smartest pig in the world?

Easter Bunny Hair Joke

How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good?

Dogs Like Cell Phone Joke

Why are dogs like cell phones?

Livestock Favorite Math Tool

What is a livestock's favorite math tool?

Horse Named Mayo Joke

I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!

Tiger Christians Joke

Why are tigers Christians?

Mouse Shower Joke

How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?

Sheep Exercise Joke

What exercise do sheep do everyday to stay fit?

Why Couldn't The Pony Sing?

Why couldn't the pony sing?

Dalmatian Hide And Seek Joke

Why are dalmatians bad at hide and seek?

Why Are Vampires Afraid Of Cows?

Why are vampires afraid of cows?

I Respect Giraffe’s Joke

I respect giraffe’s... They’re an animal I can look up to.

Snakes In Court Joke

Why do snakes always lose in court?

How To Avoid A Shark Attack

I was watching a show called "Ten ways to avoid a shark attack". I was really surprised that "Stay out of the water" wasn't #1.

An Orangutan's Reading List

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?" "Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

Escaped Bunnies Joke

My kids were very upset when our bunnies escaped. They're too young to deal with hare loss.

Smart Dog

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing at the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Scrabble Tiles Joke

Did you hear about the dog that ate the Scrabble tiles?

Nice Lawn Joke

I have a chicken-proof lawn... It's impeckable!

Day After Easter Joke

What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter?

Girl Pig Breakup Joke

Why did the girl pig break up with her boyfriend?

Pigs And Centipedes

What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?

Pig Thief Joke

What do you call a pig thief?

Octopus Laugh Joke

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Dog With Rubber Leg Joke

Once there was a dog who had lost his back leg in an accident. This leg was replaced with a rubber one. Unfortunately, one day he started scratching all his body with the rubber leg, and he disappeared...

What Did The Turkey Say To The Computer Joke

What did the turkey say to the computer?

Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggie.

What Came First?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

A Dinosaur And A Pig Joke

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?

4th Of July Duck Joke

What do you call a duck on the 4th of July?

Easter Egg Joke

Easter egg hunts are proof kids can find things if they really want to.

Tweety Bird Hospital Joke

Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?

Cookie Meat Joke

I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

Best Dancing Cow Joke

Which cow is the best dancer?

A Priest, A Minister And A Rabbit...

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says I think I might be a type O!

Grizzly Fish

What do you get when you cross a fish and a grizzly?

Captain Obvious

Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?

Happy Frogs Joke

Why are frogs so happy?

A Blondes Dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that now was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?" "Helloooooo...," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Worse Than Raining Cats And Dogs Joke

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Stegosauruses Joke

Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?

Cook An Alligator Joke

What's the best way to cook an alligator?

Frog Parking Only

What happens when a frog illegally parks?

Rabbit Joke

What do you call a rabbit that tells a good joke?

Fried Chicken Joke

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

Pampered Cow Joke

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Two Elephants Swimming Joke

Why did the two elephants decide not to go swimming together?

Horse Sport Joke

What sport do horses like playing the most?

Dog Flower Vegetable Joke

What do you get when you cross a dog, a flower and a vegetable?

Only One Yogi Bear Joke

Why did god make only one Yogi Bear?

Why Do Male Dogs Float In Water Joke

Why do male dogs float in water?

Here Is A Riddle

What sleep's with its shoes on?

DOGGY'S

What follows a dog where ever it goes?

Cow Toe Joke

Why do cows have hooves?

Flamingo Pun

My friend keeps telling me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I guess I'm just going to have to put my foot down.

A Duck Chap Stick Pun

A duck goes into a store and asks if they have any ChapStick. They told him they had plenty for sale so he replied "great can you put it on my bill for me"

Three Moles Pun

Three moles had been burrowing underground when the first one says "did you smell something sweet, it smelled like candy?' The second one said he smelled something sweet but it was more like honey. The one at the back of the line told them "I smelled something but it didn't smell sweet, it smelled like mole asses!"

The Nervous Squirrel

Where do squirrels go when they have nervous breakdowns?

Mark The Hunter

Mark was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That bear was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex." After considering briefly, Mark decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Mark. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Mark soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Mark. That bear was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Mark thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Mark. Although he survived, it took several months before Mark fully recovered. Now Mark was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it, Mark, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?

Milkless Cow

If a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an utter failure?

Cat's Favorite Nursery Rhyme Joke

What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?

Elephant And Naked Man Joke

You hear what the elephant said to the naked man?

Polar Bear Favorite Food Joke

What do polar bears like to eat?

How Do You Get A Squirrel To Love You Joke

How do you get a squirrel to love you?

What Do Scientist To With Dog Bones Joke

What do scientist to with dog bones?

Magic Dog Joke

What do you call a magic dog?

Patriotic Parrot

Yesterday, I walked into a pet store. When I walked to the back of the store, I saw an interesting parrot. The parrot had a ribbon on either foot. There was a red ribbon on his left foot, and a blue ribbon on his right foot. As I was wondering what the ribbons were for, the store owner walked up to me. He told me that if I pulled the red ribbon, the parrot would sing the "Star Spangled Banner," and the parrot did. He then told me that if you pulled the blue ribbon, the parrot would sing, "God Bless America," and it did. Interested, I asked the store owner, "What will it do when I pull both ribbons at the same time?" The parrot then yelled, "I'll fall off my perch, stupid!"

The Same Egg

Two farmers were boasting about the strongest wind they'd ever experienced. "Out here in California," said one, "I've seen the fiercest wind in my life. You know those giant redwoods trees? Well the wind got so strong it bent them right over." "That's nothing," said the farmer from Iowa. "Back on my farm we had a wind one day that blew a hundred miles per hour. It was so bad that one of my hens had her back turned to the wind and laid the same egg six times!"

Bear Paw Pun

A bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The bear says "I'll have a rum . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and coke." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, " What can I say, I was born with 'em."

Horse Injury Pun

A horse got hurt but he is doing fine and in fact, he is back in stable condition.

A Duck, Skunk And A Deer Go To Dinner

A duck a skunk and a deer when out to dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the ducks bill.

Vegetarian Chile Joke

My Child doesn't want to eat meat. What can I replace it with?

Dogs Can't Read

Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!

Karate Pig Joke

What do you call a pig that does karate?

Crocodile With GPS Joke

What do you call a crocodile with GPS?

Rabbit With Fleas Joke

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Pig With Laryngitis Joke

Did you hear about the pig with laryngitis?

Get A Mouse To Smile Joke

How do you get a mouse to smile?

«
1
2
3
»