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Joke: What do you call a pig that plays basketball?
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Joke: Did you hear about the circus fire?
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Did you hear about the circus fire? Joke Meme.
Joke: How do trees access the internet?
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Joke: Who is the smartest pig in the world?
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Joke: What did the alien in the garden say?
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 Joke Meme.
Joke: How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur looking so good?
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Joke: Why are dogs like cell phones?
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Joke: What is a livestock's favorite math tool?
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 Joke Meme.
Joke: What do runners do when they forget something?
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Joke: How many feet are in a yard?
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Joke: How many feet in a yard?
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Joke: Once upon a time there was a king who was only twelve inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
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Joke: Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while, they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding giddier, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little broom." "Impossible!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together yet!"
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Joke: Why are all mummies workaholics?
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Joke: What's on the lunch menu at Monster School?
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Joke: How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
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Joke: Why didn't the zombie like his new house?
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Joke: What do you call a gang of ghosts?
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Joke: What did one penny say to the other penny on Valentine's day?
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Joke: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
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Joke: Are you a banana?
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Joke: Why should you never break up with a goalie?
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Joke: What kind of flowers should you not give on Valentine's Day?
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Joke: A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and Elmo. Still, a job's a job, he thought. As he went about his route, he stopped and picked up twin girls. These girls were rather portly, and as they entered the bus the first one said, "My name's Patty." The man asked the second twin her name and she said, "My name's Patty also." Further along, there was a boy who was trying to put on a James Dean-esque cool image. As he got on the bus, he said, "Yo! I'm Leonard T." He sat in the seat right behind the driver, so the driver could see him in his mirror. They were almost back to the school, and made one last stop. The kid who got on announced, "I'm Ross... and I'm special." As they made their way back to the school, the driver noticed to his disgust that the kid sitting right behing him had removed one shoe to reveal a horrible case of bunions, which he was picking at. As soon as they got to school, the man went to the principal's office, threw down the bus keys on his desk, and announced he was quitting. "Is something wrong?" asked the principal? "I can't take this!" yelled the man. "I've got two all beef Pattys, special Ross, Leonard T. picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"
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Joke: Why did Beethoven get rid of all his chickens?
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Joke: My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes...it Taurus apart.
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Joke: Hey, that's not a dad bod... It's a father figure!
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Joke: The biggest bra made for horses... Is the Z-bra!
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Joke: I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall!
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Joke: What part of the hospital has the least privacy?
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Joke: Did you hear about the dog that ate the Scrabble tiles?
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Joke: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?
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Joke: How to you make a Pirate mad?
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Joke: What do you call a pig thief?
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Joke: How do you make an octopus laugh?
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Joke: When does a cookie go to see a doctor?
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Joke: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
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Joke: What do you call Chewbacca when he gets chocolate in his fur?
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Joke: I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.
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Joke: I hired a handy man and gave home a list of jobs to do. When I got home, only #1, #3 and #5 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
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Joke: I’ve just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night, I’m not covered.
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Joke: Two windmills are in a field. One asks, "What kind of music do you like?" The other one says, "Well, I'm a big metal fan."
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Joke: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
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Joke: Why is Dracula so easy to trick on Halloween?
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Joke: What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
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Joke: What's a ghosts favorite dessert?
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Joke: What did the skeleton say to the dog?
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Joke: What did the ghost say to his wife?
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Joke: Why don't mummies take time off?
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Joke: What do demons eat for breakfast?
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Joke: What Do You Get If You Cross Bambi With A Ghost?
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Joke: What did the Jack-O-Lantern say to the pumpkin?
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Joke: Why did the raisin go out with the prune?
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Joke: Standing on the edge of the lake, someone shouted across "How do you get to the other side?"
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Joke: Which cow is the best dancer?
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Joke: What sport do horses like playing the most?
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Joke: How does a mouse feel after taking a shower?
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Joke: What was Beethoven favorite fruit?
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Joke: I was accused of stealing a thesaurus. I was not only shocked but appalled, aghast, and dismayed.
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Joke: What movie is really the sequel to April Fools?
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Joke: I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.
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Joke: Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.
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Joke: I told my son he couldn't watch the orchestra anymore and he asked why? Because there's too much sax and violins!
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Joke: What did the Little Mermaid wear to math class?
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Joke: If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!
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Joke: Saturday and Sunday's are the strongest days... all the rest are weak days!
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Joke: I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!
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Joke: There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator... And only a fraction of people can understand that.
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Joke: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?
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Joke: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
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Joke: What does a caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
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Joke: What happens when a frog illegally parks?
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Joke: We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
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Joke: Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
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Joke: What kind of wave do tiny surfers ride?
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Joke: What do you call a rabbit that tells a good joke?
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Joke: What do you call a train with bubble-gum?
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Joke: David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "It's a pleasure to serve you Mr. Hasselhoff," said the bartender. "Just call me Hoff," the actor replied. "Sure," the bartender said, "no hassle."
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Joke: How do you get a good price on a sled?
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Joke: Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?
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Joke: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
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Joke: How do you get an astronaut baby to sleep?
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Joke: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
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Joke: At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing." the woman says, and she popped her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming women I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
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Joke: A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall, and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink. The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?" The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry." The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks." The guy says, "Do you really think I asked for an eleven-inch pianist?"
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Joke: How much does a skeleton weigh?
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Joke: Why are ghosts bad liars?
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Joke: Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.
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Joke: Why did the two elephants decide not to go swimming together?
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Joke: What do scientist to with dog bones?
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Joke: What do you get when you cross a dog, a flower and a vegetable?
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Joke: What do you call a cat that doesn't tell the truth?
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Joke: Why do male dogs float in water?
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Joke: What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
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Joke: Singing in the shower is all fun and game until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
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Joke: I heard on the news that Search and Rescue had plucked 2 stranded fishermen out of the ocean and were looking for their capsized boat. I thought, Gee, how are they ever going to find something that small.
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Joke: I just removed all the German contacts from my cell phone. It's now Hans free!
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Joke: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pot of boiling water?
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Joke: Why did the football player bring string to the game?
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