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St. Patrick's Day

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's day?

Average IQ

A Kerryman emigrated from Ireland to England, thereby increasing the average IQ of both countries.

There Was A Couple Who Were Big Over-spenders

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed of spending holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea - each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank. The husband looked at their savings and said: "Isn't it strange - each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into the piggy, but I see tons of $50.00 bills and a few $100.00 bills." The wife replied, "Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?"

She Loves Me. . . Not!

A couple is sitting on the porch sipping wine. The wife says, "I love you." The husband says, "Is that you or the wine talking?" The wife replies, "It's me, talking to the wine."

Home Is Where The Heart Is

A trucker goes into a brothel and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

Pirate Movie

Did you see that movie about the pirate? It's rated Arrr!

California Smog

What happens when the smog clears over southern California?

No Pun

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Two Italians On A Bus

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.'' ''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.'' ''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

Chrome Plate Joke

A man went to his dentist because he has a strange feeling in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "That's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It has eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

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