JOKES INDEX

Joke: Astronomy is looking up.

Joke: I hear there's now a sine flu as well. Someone on the news was going off on a tangent about it.

Joke: Have you heard about the sauna that serves food?

Joke: The other day, I heard that a good friend of mine was outside during a thunderstorm and got struck by lightning. I was a bit shocked, but not as much as he was.

Joke: You know you're a redneck if you introduce a friend to your wife and sister and he only has to shake one hand.

Joke: One morning a boy got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of chicken wire. His father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch me some chickens.' The father said, 'Son, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire.' But the son insisted that he knew what he was doing. Later on that day, the son came home with two chickens in his hand. The father thought, 'I guess he knows what he's doing.' The next morning, the son got up and was leaving the house with some duck tape. The father said, 'Son, where are you going?' The son replied, 'I'm going to catch some ducks.' The father yelled, 'You can't catch ducks with duct tape!' The son insisted that he knew what he was doing. A while later, the son came home with two ducks under each arm. The father thought, 'Shoot, I guess he does know what he's doing!' The next morning the son got up and was leaving the house with a hand full of pussywillows. The father said, 'Hold up, son, let me put on my shoes!'

Joke: Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?" "Yes, Bubba, that is true." "And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries ... is that true, mister lawyer?" "Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask?" "Cause I was thinkin' .... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"

Joke: 1. I thought Graceland was tacky. 2. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe. 3. Do you think my hair is too big? 4. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace? 5. The tires on that truck are too big. 6. I've got it all on a floppy disk. 7. Do you think this baseball cap goes with this shirt? 8. Damned if that politician ain't honest! 9. We're vegetarians. 10. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy. 11. You can't feed that to the dog. 12. Trim the fat off that steak. 13. I just love the opera. 14. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 15. Wrasslin's fake.

Joke: You might be a redneck if... You are having marital problems because your wife never lets you win at arm wrestling.

Joke: Three guys die in a car wreck and are sent to heaven. At the gates St. Peter asks the three men what they would want their families to say at the funeral. The first man says, "I want them to say I was an excellent husband and a great police officer." The second man says, "I want them to say I was a great husband, a wonderful teacher and that I made a huge difference in their lives." The third man says, "I wish they would say...LOOK! HE'S MOVING!"