121 MISC JOKES

Joke: Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way if you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Joke: I told my friend not to buy his shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what they are laced with but he has been tripping all day.

Joke: Whenever I'm sitting on a bench all by myself and someone I don't know sits beside me I just look straight forward and ask, "Did you bring the money?"

Joke: Five out of six people say Russian Roulette is safe.

Joke: A king lived in a big beautiful glass castle in a most beautiful kingdom yet he spent his days collecting expensive thrones and saying bad things about everyone in his kingdom. So one day it all came crashing down and killed him all because he had stored all those thrones in the attic of his big glass castle. The moral of this story is people who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

Joke: A kid was playing outside and came in for some lunch when his mom asked him what he had been doing. "I was playing pirates with my friends," the kid says. "That's nice, where are your buccaneers now?" his mom asks. The kid answers "they're under my buckin' hat mom."

Joke: So somewhere out in space two alien life forms are talking with each other. The first one says "The dominant life forms on the planet earth have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons "The second one asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien replies, " I don't think so. they have them aimed at themselves!".

Joke: I have a friend that's a little nuts. He thinks he is a chicken sometimes. I probably wouldn't hang around with him much but I can use the eggs.

Joke: Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yeah." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis and even ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

Joke: The definition of a stalker is when two people go on a long romantic walk together but only one really knows about it.