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People Person Joke

I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!

Life Before A Computer Joke

A memory was something you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider home. A virus was the flu. A cd was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy... you just hoped nobody found out.

Giraffe Fart Joke

I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like.

The Silent Treatment Joke

Wife: I'm not talking to you! Husband: OK. Wife: Don't you want to know the reason? Husband: No, I respect and trust your decision.

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather passed away, Allie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack when we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Allie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing to strenuous, simple in wth the ding and out with the dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued. "He'd still be alive if the ice-cream truck hadn't come along."

Two Dogs And A Cat Go To Heaven Joke

A German Shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died. In heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in. The German Shepherd said, "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my master." "Good!" said God. "Sit at my right side." "Doberman, what do you believe in?" asked God. The doberman answered, "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master." "Aha," said God. "You may sit to my left." Then God looked at the cat and asked "And what do you believe in?" The cat replied, "I believe you're sitting in my seat."

Refusing To Nap Joke

I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?

Corporate Hierarchy Joke

A corporation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a$$holes!

Wisdom Comes With Age Joke

As you get older, you'll realize that a $300 watch and a $30 watch both tell the same time. A Micheal Kors wallet and a Forever 21 wallet hold the same amount of money. A $300,000 house and a $100,000 house host the same loneliness. A Ford will drive you as far as a Bentley. True happiness is not found in materialistic things, it comes from the love and laughter found with each other. Stay humble... the holes dug for us in the ground are the same size.

Another COVID Joke

I went outside to check on my plants. I felt something cold and wet on my arm. I looked down and say a mosquito using a wet wipe before it bit me!

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