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Elders' Joke

Grandma and grandpa where watching healing service on TV. The Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put on hand on the TV and the other hand on a body part that wanted healing. Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private parts. Grandma looked at him and says... "Dear, I guess you just don't get it do you? The purpose is to heal the sick NOT to raise the dead"!

I'm A Pilot

You know how you can tell when there is a pilot in a room?

Not Shaking Hands

Some People aren't shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper!

Where Does Poo Come From?

My son asked me "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation. He looked at me a little perplexed and stared at me in silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

How To Catch Fog

I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

Toilet Papered

Neighbors house got TP'ed last night... Now it's listed on Zillow for $12.5 million.

Corona Joke

You said you were sick... No, I said I had a case of Corona.

Beautifiers

A husband and wife are at the grocery store. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart. The wife asks, "What are you doing?" He says, "The beer is on sale, 24 cans for $10." She says, "We can't afford that so put it back!" A few isles later the wife puts a $20 tube of face cream in the cart. The husband asks, "What is that for?" The wife says, "It makes my face pretty." The husband replies, "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price!"

Day 9 - Social Distancing

Struck up a conversation with a spider today. Seems he's a web designer.

Quarantine

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

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