The Joker

Question 1

Stop Shredded Cheese, Make America Grate Again!

Stop shredded cheese, make America grate again!

Question 2

Broken Finger

Question 3

Afternoon Sex

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on the neighborhood activities. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot." He Shouted. He began his commentary as his parent put their a plan into operation: "An ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Smiths have company." He called out. "Noah's riding his new bike!" "Looks like the Stewarts are moving!" After a few moments... "Looks like the Robinson's are having sex!" Startled, his mom and dad sat up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?" "Jimmy Robinson is on his balcony with a popsicle."

Question 4

Good Years

I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears.

Question 5

Banana Goes To The Doctor

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Question 6

Embrace Your Mistakes

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes... So, she hugged me.

Question 7

Tarzan's Beard Joke

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?

Question 8

Black Coffee

A new study found that people who take their coffee black are more likely to exhibit psychopathic behavior. And people who order a quad shot, non-fat, vanilla soy, extra foam, light whip with caramel drizzle are more likely to become their victims.

Question 9

Never Sing In The Shower

Singing leads to dancing, Dancing leads to slipping and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember don't sing in the shower!

Question 10

Computer Password Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."

Question 11

Stimulus Check Joke

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

Question 12

What Was E.T. Short For Joke

What was E.T. short for?

Question 13

Losing Weight Joke

Loosing weight doesn't seem like it's working, so I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.

Question 14

Autumn Leaves

I can't believe it's that time of the year again when I have to rake the leaves into my neighbors yard.

Question 15

Get Me A Beer Joke

I trained my dog to fetch me a beer. It may not sound impressive, but he gets it from the neighbors fridge!

Question 16

People Person Joke

I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!

Question 17

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

How did the blonde break both legs while raking leaves?

Question 18

My Friend David

My friend David lost his id, we now call him Dav.

Question 19

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Wife, "Honey, don't forget to buy bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you." Husband, "Who is Valerie?" Wife, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw buy text." Husband, "But I'm with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?" Wife, "What?! Where are you?" Husband, "Near the bakery." Wife, "Wait, I'm coming right now!" After five minutes the wife sends a message: Wife, "I'm at the bakery, where are you?" Husband, "I'm at work. Now that you're at the bakery, you can buy the bread!"

Question 20

What's The Difference Between Snow Men And Snow Women?

What's the difference between snow men and snow women?

Question 21

Men Never Listen Joke

In a hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. The next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. "The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow." "MEN NEVER LISTEN"

Question 22

Do The Crime Pay The Time

An 80-year-old lady was arrested for shoplifting. Judge: "What did you steal?" She replies, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked her how many peaches were in a can? She replied, "Six." Judge: "Ok, I'll give you six days in jail." Before the judge could pronounce the punishment, the husband spoke up and said, "What about ht can of peas!"

Question 23

Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Question 24

Blondes And Cow Pies

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

Question 25

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

Question 26

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Why was the picture frame sent to jail?

Question 27

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?

Question 28

An Old Cowboy Bar Joke

An old cowboy goes into a bar and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboy and asks him, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replies, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She says, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A little while later, a couple sits down next to the old cowboy and asks him, "Are you a real cowboy? "He replies, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Question 29

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Question 30

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.

The Joker

Stop Shredded Cheese, Make America Grate Again!

Broken Finger

Afternoon Sex

Good Years

Banana Goes To The Doctor

Embrace Your Mistakes

Tarzan's Beard Joke

Black Coffee

Never Sing In The Shower

Computer Password Joke

Stimulus Check Joke

What Was E.T. Short For Joke

Losing Weight Joke

Autumn Leaves

Get Me A Beer Joke

People Person Joke

Blonde Raking Leaves Joke

My Friend David

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

What's The Difference Between Snow Men And Snow Women?

Men Never Listen Joke

Do The Crime Pay The Time

Never Done Anything Wild?

Blondes And Cow Pies

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

Jailed Picture Frame Joke

Strawberry Gets Run Over Joke

An Old Cowboy Bar Joke

Thesaurus Breakfast Joke

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

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