1. Jokers

The Joker

Joke Count: 1234
Joke: I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I grounded him. He's doing better currently. And conducting himself properly...
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Joke: Does your family say a prayer before you eat food? Nope, we're Italian, my mom knows how to cook.
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Joke: If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!
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Joke: What do you call a tree that does science experiments?
Punch Line
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Joke: The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 2.2 gallons of beer, which means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon!
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Joke: Put a glass of wine in each room of your house and call it a wine tour.
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Joke: What’s the difference between a liter of Coke and deer testicles?
Punch Line
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Joke: I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something.
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Joke: I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep.
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Joke: Money. May not make you happy. But will pay for vacation, lunches, dinners, cars, houses, flowers, children education, medical bills, and tacos!
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Joke: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Punch Line
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Joke: I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home all the signs were there!
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Joke: As you get older, you've gotta stay positive. For example, the other day I fell down the stairs. Instead of getting upset, I just thought, "Wow, that's the fastest I've moved in years."
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Joke: I was accused of stealing a thesaurus. I was not only shocked but appalled, aghast, and dismayed.
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Joke: Grandpa, what are you doing on the porch with no pants on? Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.
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Joke: This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please just press one?" So I did... I don't remember much after that.
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Joke: I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.
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Joke: I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new years but no one likes a quitter, so here is my New Years resolution. 1080p!
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Joke: Why did the farmer bury his money?
Punch Line
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Joke: Santa got stuck in a chimney a few years back? Now he gets Claustrophobia.
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Joke: What do you give a sick lemon?
Punch Line
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Joke: I almost tripped over my wife’s bra the other day... I'm sure it was a booby trap.
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Joke: Husband asked his wife, "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?" Wife, "Because I don't like calling you when you're at work."
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Joke: What does the painter do when he gets cold?
Punch Line
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Joke: A man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt. The man says "I'll take a beer ...and one for the road"
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Joke: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Punch Line
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Joke: What part of the hospital has the least privacy?
Punch Line
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Joke: If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!
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Joke: The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.
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Joke: My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.
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