42 NATIONAL JOKES

Question 1

A Mexican Magician Joke

A Mexican magician said he would disappear on the count of 3. He said uno, dos, and poof he disappeared without a tres!

Question 2

Roman Numerals

A Roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, "five beers, please."

Question 3

Irish Chili Joke

Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!

Question 4

German Sausage Pun

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Question 5

German Sausage Joke

I love eating German sausage, but it always gives me the wurst farts.

Question 6

Farting Russian

What do you call a farting Russian?

Question 7

Gassy Greek

What do you call a gassy greek?

Question 8

Gassy Scotsman

what do you call a gassy Scotsman?

Question 9

Saint Patrick

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

VOTE

Question 10

Irish Carpenter Joke

Two Irishmen were hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realizes it's upside down and throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, Why are you throwing them away?" "Because, they're upside down", says Paddy. "You daft twat!", replies Murphy, "Save'em for the ceiling!"

Question 11

Say Grace

Does your family say a prayer before you eat food? Nope, we're Italian, my mom knows how to cook.

Question 12

Korean Martial Artist Joke

I once met a Korean martial artist who was giving away free chocolate bars. I asked him if I could take two. He said “No! You can Taekwondo.”

Question 13

Brief Fart

New Mexican word for today: Brief.

Question 14

Irish Furniture Pun

Who is Irish and sits outside all day?

Question 15

Athens Sunrise Pun

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Question 16

I Was A Kamikaze Pilot

I went out for Chinese food last night and got chatting with the waiter. He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a kamikaze pilot and his code name was "Chow Mein". I said, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?" To which he replied, "Yes, but I was Chicken Chow Mein"

Question 17

Two Italians On A Bus

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.'' ''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.'' ''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

Question 18

Crime And Punishment

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican. They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazonians. The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazonians haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks: "What will you take on your back?" And he responds - "I'll take the Mexican!"

Question 19

An Irishman Walks Into A Bar Joke

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He then proceeds to take a sip from the first, then a sip from the second, then a sip from the third, and starts again with a sip from the first, then second, and on. The bartender asks what he was up to, and he replied "I have 2 brothers, one lives in New York and one in Sydney, and since I can’t drink with them, I order 3 pints of Guinness and take a sip in turn from each one; and they also do the same in New York and Sydney" So each day the Irishman would come into the bar, order his 3 pints of Guinness and everyone got to know his story. One day, he walks in and orders only 2 pints of Guinness… The bar goes silent. Finally, the bartender approaches him and says "On behalf of everyone at the bar, I want to extend our condolences on the passing of your brother…" The Irishman replied, "Oh, no, it’s not that!! I just gave up drinking."

Question 20

A Scotsman And His Wife

A Scotsman and his wife walk past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!" Being a 'kind-hearted Scotsman', he thought, "What the hell..., I'll treat her!" So, they walked past it again.

42 NATIONAL JOKES

National Jokes

A Mexican Magician Joke

Roman Numerals

Irish Chili Joke

German Sausage Pun

German Sausage Joke

Farting Russian

Gassy Greek

Gassy Scotsman

Saint Patrick

Irish Carpenter Joke

Say Grace

Korean Martial Artist Joke

Brief Fart

Irish Furniture Pun

Athens Sunrise Pun

I Was A Kamikaze Pilot

Two Italians On A Bus

Crime And Punishment

An Irishman Walks Into A Bar Joke

A Scotsman And His Wife

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