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Joke: Why did god make only one Yogi Bear?
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Joke: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
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Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? Joke Meme.
Joke: A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still, no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home?!" The kid replied, "She is, but this isn't where I live."
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Joke: Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?
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Joke: What do you call a train with bubble-gum?
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 Joke Meme.
Joke: Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
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Joke: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
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Joke: How much does a skeleton weigh?
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 Joke Meme.
Joke: Why are ghosts bad liars?
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Joke: Why do male dogs float in water?
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Joke: What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
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Joke: What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?
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Joke: Why are frogs so happy?
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Joke: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
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Joke: What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
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Joke: What do you get if you cross a ghost with a sailor?
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Joke: What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
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Joke: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
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Joke: Why did the Teddy Bear say no to dessert?
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Joke: What do you give a sick lemon?
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Joke: What does the painter do when he gets cold?
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Joke: How do you get a mouse to smile?
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Joke: What do you get from a pampered cow?
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Joke: How do pigs send secret messages?
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Joke: A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
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Joke: Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!
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Joke: What's a ghosts favorite food?
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Joke: Why did the headless horseman start his own business?
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Joke: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
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Joke: Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
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Joke: How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon?
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Joke: Girl 1: "This morning my dad gave me soap-flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast!" Girl 2: "I bet you were angry with him!" Girl 1: "Angry?! I was foaming at the mouth!"
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Joke: What did the thesaurus eat for breakfast?
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Joke: What type of music are balloons afraid of?
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Joke: What is the safest room in a haunted house?
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Joke: What's is a pirates favorite country?
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Joke: What was E.T. short for?
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Joke: What do clouds wear?
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Joke: Why didn't the ghost eat his candy?
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Joke: What do you call a cat that sucks lemons?
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Joke: What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
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Joke: What did the Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?
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Joke: What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?
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Joke: What did one plate say to the other plate?
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Joke: What do you call an old apple?
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Joke: What is the capital of Texas?
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Joke: Why did the student eat his homework?
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Joke: What do you call a city where hamsters live?
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Joke: What did they give Tickle-Me-Elmo before he left the factory?
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Joke: What day of the week does a potato hate the most?
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Joke: You are in a car travelling at a constant speed. On your left is a valley, and on your right is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car, and you can't overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter, flying at ground level; both are travelling at the same speed as you. What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Joke: Where do you take someone when they've been in a peek-a-boo accident?
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Joke: Why are pirates great singers?
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Joke: How much does a pirate pay for corn?
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Joke: In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching." Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies... One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
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Joke: Mummy, mummy. There's a man at the door with a bill.
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Joke: What did the big chimney say to the small one?
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Joke: How far can you run in the woods?
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Joke: What kind of animal needs to wear a wig?
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Joke: What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?
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Joke: 1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. 2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. 3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. 4. Stay away from prunes. 5. Never pee on an electric fence. 6. Don't squat with your spurs on. 7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. 8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. 9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. 10. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. 11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 12. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. 13. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. 14. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. 15. Never try to baptize a cat.
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Joke: My mum told me that picking my nose was disgusting, and from now on, I had to pick it myself.
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