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Hearing Aid Joke

Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair... I've heard nothing since.

Good Years

I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire. Those were Goodyears.

Plato

The Philosopher Plato once said... "I am the wisest man alive for I know one thing... and that one thing is that I know nothing." How did he know that? His wife told him.

A Blonde Goes To The Library

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far to many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarked, "So, you're the one who took out phone book!"

Chicken Sandwiches Joke

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches. It doesn't! It just craps on the floor.

Right And Left Brain

I finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

Don't Drink And Ride

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself, "What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break". So, I drank all the Scotch before I road home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.

Weight Loss

I bet you would be very motivated to lose weight if it went to somebody you didn't like.

A Gift For My Wife

Husband: I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my Grandmother. Wife: Why does it say "Do not resuscitate"?

The Truth About Getting Old.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what is going on.

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