The Joker

Question 1

Idiocracy President Camacho Quote #5

Chill, Scro, you do a kick-ass job and you get a full pardon. - President Camacho

Question 2

Airline Ticket Agent Joke

Man to the ticket agent at the airport: "I'd like this bag to go to Cleveland and this bag to Tulsa. Ticket Agent: "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that. "Man to the ticket agent. "Why not, you did it last time?"

Question 3

Rabbi Circumcision Joke

Do you hear about the Rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions?

Question 4

Skeleton Go To School Joke

Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?

Question 5

Tennis Joke

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend... Love meant nothing to her!

Question 6

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Question 7

Grandma Can't Say No

Grandchildren are spoiled because you can't spank Grandma!

Question 8

Popular Dance In 1776 Joke

What was the most popular dance in 1776?

Question 9

In Which River Are You Sure To Find Snakes?

In which river are you sure to find snakes?

Question 10

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Why do Leprechauns like to garden?

Question 11

Butcher Overtime Joke

Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?

Question 12

Election Joke

I'm really afraid someone is going to win this election!

Question 13

Quitting Is Easy Joke

Quitting Is Easy, It's Not Starting Again That's Hard.

Question 14

Grease Joke

I told my therapist that I couldn't get the Grease Soundtrack out of my head.

Question 15

Limousine Joke

I just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered the fee does not include a driver. Can't believe I spend all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

Question 16

Helping A Person In Need.

I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too naive. Last night it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our hearts. We felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him. The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to people?!?!?! Now I'm going to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy-set, wearing nothing but a scarf and top hat, he has a carrot-like nose, two black eyes, and his arms are stick skinny. Don't bring him into your house! What a mess he made on the floor.

Question 17

Brain Transplant Pun

I was going to get a brain transplant...then I changed my mind.

Question 18

Halloween Candy Joke

It's the time of the year when I get to pretend the five pounds of candy I'm buying is for Trick-or-Treaters.

Question 19

Half A Potato Joke

So this guy gets a new job waiting tables and his first day he gets a difficult customer. The guy orders a half a baked potato and won't take no for an answer. The new waiter is walking into the kitchen and sees his manager says "This guy is being a real ass about only wanting a half a potato". The manager looks behind the waiter and seeing the customer standing right behind the waiter replies "you mean the customer behind you". The waiter quickly says "why no as it turns out this fine gentleman has kindly offered to purchase the other half". So after the customer leaves the boss tells the new waiter he likes the way he thinks on his feet and that there is a new assistant manager position open but it is in Canada. The new waiter says "Canada really, I like the job offer but Canada only has whores and hockey players" The boss answers "Hey my mother is from Canada!" The guy thinking quickly once again asks "really, what position did she play?"

Question 20

Tequila Diet

I'm on the tequila diet. So far I've lost 2 days.

Question 21

Optometrist Music Joke

What music do optometrists listen to?

Question 22

Idiocracy President Camacho Quote #2

President Camacho: Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now. But I've got a 3 point plan that's going to fix everything. Congressman #1: Break it down, Camacho! President Camacho: Number 1: We've got this guy Not Sure. Number 2: He's got a higher IQ than any man alive. and Number 3: He's going to fix everything.

Question 23

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing, she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them. Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her. After a couple of weeks, the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?" He hadn't and said so. Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing." Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife on the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly. "No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have. "Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said. "She's selling batteries." "Batteries?" cried the wife. "Yes," he replied. "She sells C cells by the Seashore."

Question 24

Frog Shoes Joke

What kind of shoes does a frog wear?

Question 25

Peloton Bike Joke

How can you tell when someone in the room owns a Peloton Bike?

Question 26

A Gift For My Wife

Husband: I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my Grandmother. Wife: Why does it say "Do not resuscitate"?

Question 27

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

How does a Japanese dog say hello?

Question 28

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Be careful when you eat at Sam and Ella's diner.

Question 29

Politics At Thanksgiving

Be sure to bring up politics during family Thanksgiving to save on Christmas gifts.

Question 30

Funny Guys Are Dangerous

Funny guys are dangerous, they'll make you laugh and laugh and laugh then boom you're naked.

The Joker

Idiocracy President Camacho Quote #5

Airline Ticket Agent Joke

Rabbi Circumcision Joke

Skeleton Go To School Joke

Tennis Joke

Time To Go The Nursing Home

Grandma Can't Say No

Popular Dance In 1776 Joke

In Which River Are You Sure To Find Snakes?

Leprechaun's Garden Joke

Butcher Overtime Joke

Election Joke

Quitting Is Easy Joke

Grease Joke

Limousine Joke

Helping A Person In Need.

Brain Transplant Pun

Halloween Candy Joke

Half A Potato Joke

Tequila Diet

Optometrist Music Joke

Idiocracy President Camacho Quote #2

What's She Selling On The Beach Joke

Frog Shoes Joke

Peloton Bike Joke

A Gift For My Wife

Japanese Dog Hello Joke

Sam And Ellas Diner Joke

Politics At Thanksgiving

Funny Guys Are Dangerous

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