The Joker

Question 1

Shrinking Clothes

All this time I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. It turns out it was the refrigerator!

Question 2

Coffin Joke

I saw an ad for a coffin and thought... "That's the last thing I need!"

Question 3

What Do You Call Dogs That Rarely Bark Joke

What do you call dogs that rarely bark?

Question 4

Ted Bundy Pickup Line Joke

What was Ted Bundy's favorite pick up line?

Question 5

Leonardo Da Vinci Advice

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet" Leonardo da Vinci

Question 6

Date Joke

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. That's when I know we weren't going to work out.

Question 7

Pope Driving Limo Joke

The Pope lands in New York and the limo driver tells him that they are running early if he would like to do anything before he needs to be dropped off. The Pope says he has never driven a limo and asked if he could take drive the limo. He ends up getting pulled over on the freeway so the cop who pulls him over radios back to the station and asks for the Sargent. He tells him I can't give this guy a ticket?" The Sargent gets mad and tells the officer that he doesn't care who he is just give him the ticket! "I seriously CAN NOT give him a ticket as he is WAY TOO IMPORTANT!" "So who is this guy anyway?" the Sargent asks and the cop answers "I have no idea sir but he is SO IMPORTANT THAT THE POPE IS DRIVING HIM!

Question 8

Voltaire Quote

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

Question 9

Demons And Ghouls Joke

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Question 10

Dracula's Favorite Breed Of Dog Joke

What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?

Question 11

Upolsterer

Great news everyone. Apparently that man who was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun... is now fully "recovered".

Question 12

Worm In An Apple Joke

What's worse than a worm in an apple?

Question 13

Witches Favorite School Subject Joke

What's a witch's favorite subject in school?

Question 14

Here's Your Sign

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied... "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. ..I just lost it......."CASE DISMISSED!!"

Question 15

Middle Age Joke

How can you tell when you've reached middles age?

Question 16

Midwife Joke

Midwives deserve a lot of respect... They really help people out!

Question 17

Cannabis Farmers

Do cannabis farmers use weed killer?

Question 18

It's Illegal To Laugh Loudly In Hawaii Joke

Did you know that in Hawaii, it’s actually illegal to laugh loudly?

Question 19

Thinks He's A Chicken Joke

I have a friend that's a little nuts. He thinks he is a chicken sometimes. I probably wouldn't hang around with him much but I can use the eggs.

Question 20

Dying Computer Joke

How did the computer die?

Question 21

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied... "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

Question 22

Clear The Table Joke

My wife asked me to clear the dining table...I had to get a running start but I made it!

Question 23

Terrible Things You Do For Money

I've done some terrible things for money... Like getting up early to go to work.

Question 24

The Long Drive

It was a sunny Saturday morning and Brian was beginning his pre-shot routine -- visualizing his upcoming shot -- when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the ladies tee back up to the men's tee, please!" Brian was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!" Brian had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"

Question 25

Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions... Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a bottle of wine in the fridge!

Question 26

Apartments Joke

Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

Question 27

Child Extortion

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

Question 28

Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke

Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing up what I did yesterday.

Question 29

Egg On The Barn Joke

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

Question 30

Picking Berries

When Gathering Berries... You have to be picky!

The Joker

Shrinking Clothes

Coffin Joke

What Do You Call Dogs That Rarely Bark Joke

Ted Bundy Pickup Line Joke

Leonardo Da Vinci Advice

Date Joke

Pope Driving Limo Joke

Voltaire Quote

Demons And Ghouls Joke

Dracula's Favorite Breed Of Dog Joke

Upolsterer

Worm In An Apple Joke

Witches Favorite School Subject Joke

Here's Your Sign

Middle Age Joke

Midwife Joke

Cannabis Farmers

It's Illegal To Laugh Loudly In Hawaii Joke

Thinks He's A Chicken Joke

Dying Computer Joke

SERENITY

Clear The Table Joke

Terrible Things You Do For Money

The Long Drive

Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke

Apartments Joke

Child Extortion

Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke

Egg On The Barn Joke

Picking Berries

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