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Jokers
The Joker
Joke Count: 1231
What Do Lemons Say When They Answer The Telephone?
Joke:
What do lemons say when they answer the telephone?
Punch Line
VOTE
Two Brooms Getting Married Joke
Joke:
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while, they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding giddier, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little broom." "Impossible!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together yet!"
VOTE
Halloween Jack-O-Lantern Joke
Joke:
How do you fix a damaged Jack-O-Lantern?
Punch Line
VOTE
Two Eggs Boiling In A Pot Joke.
Joke:
Two eggs are boiling in a pot. One egg says to the other, "I've got a huge crack". The other egg replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not even hard yet!"
VOTE
Skeleton Halloween Joke
Joke:
What did the skeleton say to the dog?
Punch Line
VOTE
Snail Mugged By Turtles Joke
Joke:
A snail gets mugged by a couple turtles and when the cops asked him for a description of the turtles he told them "I don't know, it all happened so fast"
VOTE
Super Hero With A Lisp
Joke:
Did you hear about the Super Hero with a lisp that always works out?
Punch Line
VOTE
Monster Cooked Eggs Joke
Joke:
How do monsters like there eggs cooked?
Punch Line
VOTE
Horoscope Joke
Joke:
My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes...it Taurus apart.
VOTE
Skeleton Travel Joke
Joke:
What do skeletons travel around in?
Punch Line
VOTE
Crazy Guy In Jungle Pun
Joke:
How did the crazy guy get through the jungle? He took a psycho path.
VOTE
My Living Will
Joke:
Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetive state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up, unplugged my computer and threw away my wine! The little ingrates.
VOTE
How To Get Back On Your Feet
Joke:
You want to how to get back on your feet?
Punch Line
VOTE
Fastest Liquid Joke
Joke:
Why is milk the fastest liquid on earth?
Punch Line
VOTE
Drunken Wrapper
Joke:
Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if someone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back.
VOTE
What Life's About.
Joke:
Life is all about ass: You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one.
VOTE
May Flowers Joke
Joke:
If April showers bring May flowers what do may flowers bring?
Punch Line
VOTE
Dancing Shoes
Joke:
I drank so much wine last night, when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
VOTE
Elders' Joke
Joke:
Grandma and grandpa where watching healing service on TV. The Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put on hand on the TV and the other hand on a body part that wanted healing. Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private parts. Grandma looked at him and says... "Dear, I guess you just don't get it do you? The purpose is to heal the sick NOT to raise the dead"!
VOTE
Mermaid Jobs Joke
Joke:
Where do mermaids look for jobs?
Punch Line
VOTE
Boat Captain IRS Audit
Joke:
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him. IRS Auditor asks "I need to talk with you about your employees and how much you pay them". Boat Capitan responds "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for about 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board". IRS auditor "That's fair, so who is the other guy on the boat that I see in your records. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the workaround here and only makes about $10 per week and it says you buy him a bottle of Bacardi and a twelve-pack once a week too. Also says he gets to sleep with your wife occasionally?" the IRS Auditor says "That's the guy we want to talk to". The Boat Capitan replies "That would be me, what do you to know?"
VOTE
Time Vs Money
Joke:
The biggest difference between time and money: You always know how much money you have but you never know how much time you have.
VOTE
Livestock Favorite Math Tool
Joke:
What is a livestock's favorite math tool?
Punch Line
VOTE
Inside A Ghosts Nose Joke
Joke:
What can you find in a ghost's nose?
Punch Line
VOTE
Looking Good
Joke:
Wife, "My aerobics instructor says I've got the chest of a 23 year old!" Husband, "What did he say about your 60 year old ass?" Wife, "We never mentioned you!"
VOTE
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
Joke:
1) If COVID-19 doesn't take you out can I? 2) Is that hand sanitized in you pocket or are you just happy to be within 6ft. of me? 3) Since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead. 4) You can't spell virus without U and I. 5) Baby, do you need toilet paper? Because, I can be your Prince Charmin. 6) I saw you from across the bar. Stay there. 7) Without you my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf. 8) Hey Babe! Can I ship you a drink? 9) You can't spell quarantine without "U R A Q T". 10) I really can't stay. 11) Baby it's COVID-19 outside.
VOTE
Superhero Joke
Joke:
What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?
Punch Line
VOTE
Green Pepper Archer
Joke:
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
Punch Line
VOTE
You Will Walk Today Joke
Joke:
I went to church today and the preacher came over to me and said, "You will walk today." I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with more enthusiasm. After the service, I went outside and my car was gone!
VOTE
Shark Attack Facts
Joke:
Did you know... Sharks will only attack you when you're wet?
VOTE
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116
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