The Joker

Question 1

Singing In The Shower

Singing in the shower is all fun and game until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Question 2

Water Tower Joke

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Question 3

Sick Ant Joke

Why don't ants get sick?

Question 4

Vegetarian Chile Joke

My Child doesn't want to eat meat. What can I replace it with?

Question 5

Irish Carpenter Joke

Two Irishmen were hammering floorboards down in a house. Paddy picks up a nail, realizes it's upside down and throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says, Why are you throwing them away?" "Because, they're upside down", says Paddy. "You daft twat!", replies Murphy, "Save'em for the ceiling!"

Question 6

Happy Frogs Joke

Why are frogs so happy?

Question 7

What Women Want

I asked, "Alexa, what do women want?" It hasn't shut up for nine days!

Question 8

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Question 9

Rabbit Joke

What do you call a rabbit that tells a good joke?

Question 10

Rabbit With Fleas Joke

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Question 11

Dogs Can't Read

Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!

Question 12

How To Solve 100% Of Your Problems

Yesterday I saw a book called "How to solve 50% of your problems", so I bought two.

Question 13

McDonalds Order Joke

I went to McDonald's and slammed ten bucks on the counter and said, "Surprise me! Because I never get what I ask for anyway!"

Question 14

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

Doctor: Your girlfriend Is pregnant. Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke? Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story... A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts BANG at the tiger. The tiger died. Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger. Doctor: Exactly.

Question 15

How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange", and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.

Question 16

Captain Obvious

Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?

Question 17

Florist Joke

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.

Question 18

Song Composer Pun

My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

Question 19

Voting Elves Joke

Where do Elves go to vote?

Question 20

Hawaiian Pizza

I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.

Question 21

Fried Chicken Joke

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork, and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

Question 22

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

I saw a 2000 years old stain... It was from ancient greece.

Question 23

Refusing To Nap Joke

I refuse to take a nap... Is that resisting a rest?

Question 24

Dirty Cockroach

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed down everything and cleaned thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Question 25

Temperature Check Joke

Don't let them take your temperature on your forehead when you enter the supermarket, because it erases your memory. I went in for macaroni and cheese and came out with two cases of beer!

Question 26

Does Anyone Know CPR?

I was drinking a margarita at a bar when a waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet!" and we all laughed and laughed. Well. except one guy.

Question 27

Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain... God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me... God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Question 28

Mothers Group Therapy Session Joke

A Psychiatrist conducted a group therapy session with 4 mothers. "You all have obsessions," he says. To the 1st mother, he says, "You are obsessed with eating, & even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the 2nd Mother, "You're obsessed with w/money, and you named your child Penny." He turns to the 3rd Mother, "Your obsession is alcohol, & you named your child Brandy." At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand & whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!"

Question 29

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

How do you get a good price on a sled?

Question 30

Knock Knock Pun

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.

The Joker

Singing In The Shower

Water Tower Joke

Sick Ant Joke

Vegetarian Chile Joke

Irish Carpenter Joke

Happy Frogs Joke

What Women Want

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

Rabbit Joke

Rabbit With Fleas Joke

Dogs Can't Read

How To Solve 100% Of Your Problems

McDonalds Order Joke

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant Joke

How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

Captain Obvious

Florist Joke

Song Composer Pun

Voting Elves Joke

Hawaiian Pizza

Fried Chicken Joke

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

Refusing To Nap Joke

Dirty Cockroach

Temperature Check Joke

Does Anyone Know CPR?

Stupid And Beautiful

Mothers Group Therapy Session Joke

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

Knock Knock Pun

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