The Joker

Question 1

New Salesmen Joke

A young guy from Newfoundland moves to British Columbia and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Newfoundland." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our salespeople average sales of 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Vancouver. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Newfoundland, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65.′′ The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin-engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition." The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

Question 2

You're Right?!

Guys I need your help... I'm in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I'm right. What the hell do I do next?!

Question 3

Lazy Dog

Lazy is a very strong word. I like to call it "Selective Participation".

Question 4

Women Have Small Feet

Why do women have small feet?

Question 5

4th Of July Duck Joke

What do you call a duck on the 4th of July?

Question 6

Baby Shark Joke

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Question 7

Unbelievable

I get most of my exercise these days from shaking my head in disbelief.

Question 8

Why Did You Marry Me?

I asked my wife why she married me. She said, "Because you are funny." I said, "I thought it was because I was good in bed." She said, "See? You are hilarious!"

Question 9

Tiny Surfer Joke

What kind of wave do tiny surfers ride?

Question 10

Strip Down Joke

The cashier told me, "Strip down facing me". By the time I realized they meant the debit card, it was too late.

Question 11

A Blondes Dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that now was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?" "Helloooooo...," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

Question 12

Exorcist Joke

If you don't pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?

Question 13

Horny Talking Frog Joke

What does a horny frog say?

Question 14

Chickpea Joke

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Question 15

Hump Day

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Question 16

Don't Correct A Fool

Do not correct a fool or he will hate you. Correct a wise man and he will appreciate you.

Question 17

Easter Egg Joke

Easter egg hunts are proof kids can find things if they really want to.

Question 18

Throwing Rice Pun

Me & my mates were at an Indian restaurant & some guys started throwing rice at us. So we threw rice back at them....We had a pilau fight.

Question 19

Why Do Ilegal Immigrants Like Climate Change Joke

Why do illegal immigrants like climate change?

Question 20

Two Ways To Argue...

There are two ways to argue with a woman... Neither one of them works.

Question 21

Highlighter Joke

I'm going to start collecting highlighters... mark my words!

Question 22

A Farmers Daughter Joke

A farmer drove to his neighbor's house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad home?", asked the farmer. "No, they went to town.", the boy answered. How about your brother, Howard? asked the farmer. "No, he went to town with mom and dad.", answered the boy. The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy said, "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well", said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant." The boy thought for a moment, then said, "You'll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charged $500 for bulls and $150 for pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."

Question 23

Is Your Mom Home?

A salesman was going door to door trying to sell his wares. As he walked up to the next house, he noticed a small boy sitting on the front steps. "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still, no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home?!" The kid replied, "She is, but this isn't where I live."

Question 24

Coming With The Broom

Husband, "Honey I broke a glass in the kitchen." Wife, "I'm coming with the broom." Husband, "It isn't urgent, you can come on foot."

Question 25

Life Before A Computer Joke

A memory was something you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider home. A virus was the flu. A cd was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy... you just hoped nobody found out.

Question 26

Beefstew Password

Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.

Question 27

Which Witch Watch Halloween Joke

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

Question 28

Grandma On Speed Dial

I put grandma on speed dial and now I have Insta-Gram!

Question 29

Hotel Restaurant Joke

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table. Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her. "This is so embarrassing." the woman says, and she popped her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming women I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

Question 30

Weight Loss Joke

I'll tell you why I can't lose weight... I've got metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen.

The Joker

New Salesmen Joke

You're Right?!

Lazy Dog

Women Have Small Feet

4th Of July Duck Joke

Baby Shark Joke

Unbelievable

Why Did You Marry Me?

Tiny Surfer Joke

Strip Down Joke

A Blondes Dogs

Exorcist Joke

Horny Talking Frog Joke

Chickpea Joke

Hump Day

Don't Correct A Fool

Easter Egg Joke

Throwing Rice Pun

Why Do Ilegal Immigrants Like Climate Change Joke

Two Ways To Argue...

Highlighter Joke

A Farmers Daughter Joke

Is Your Mom Home?

Coming With The Broom

Life Before A Computer Joke

Beefstew Password

Which Witch Watch Halloween Joke

Grandma On Speed Dial

Hotel Restaurant Joke

Weight Loss Joke

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