Dad Jokes Page 3 of 4 Fart.com

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Tennessee And Arkansas

What did Tennessee?

How Do You Pronounce Lafayette?

A honeymooning couple was passing through Louisiana. When they were approaching Lafayette, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they got to the town, where they decided to stop for lunch. As they stood at the counter, the man said, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us. Would you very slowly pronounce where we are?" The guy behind the corner leaned over and said, "Burrrrrrrr gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing"

Dad Jokes — How do you pronounce Lafayette? Joke Meme.

Women Have Small Feet

Why do women have small feet?

Beefstew Password

Apparently you can't use "Beefstew" as a password... It's not stroganoff.

Does Anyone Know CPR?

I was drinking a margarita at a bar when a waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet!" and we all laughed and laughed. Well. except one guy.

Dad Jokes — Does anyone know CPR? Joke Meme

Orchestra Joke

I told my son he couldn't watch the orchestra anymore and he asked why? Because there's too much sax and violins!

Elements Joke

How often do you like jokes about elements?

Numbers Joke

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Dad Jokes — Numbers Joke Joke Meme

Christmas Bakery Hideaway Joke

Who hides in the bakery at christmas?

Guy Fell Into A Well Joke

Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? It turns out he couldn't see that well.

A Dinosaur And A Pig Joke

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?

Cook An Alligator Joke

What's the best way to cook an alligator?

4th Of July Duck Joke

What do you call a duck on the 4th of July?

Tiny Surfer Joke

What kind of wave do tiny surfers ride?

Highlighter Joke

I'm going to start collecting highlighters... mark my words!

A Farmers Daughter Joke

A farmer drove to his neighbor's house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad home?", asked the farmer. "No, they went to town.", the boy answered. How about your brother, Howard? asked the farmer. "No, he went to town with mom and dad.", answered the boy. The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy said, "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well", said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant." The boy thought for a moment, then said, "You'll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charged $500 for bulls and $150 for pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

How do you get a good price on a sled?

Gardening Season Joke

It's gardening season. 6 weeks ago I planted my arse on the sofa. It's grown considerably

Hot Or Cold Joke

What’s faster hot or cold?

Strip Down Joke

The cashier told me, "Strip down facing me". By the time I realized they meant the debit card, it was too late.

Book Fell On My Head Joke

Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.

Killing Flies Joke

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," he replied. "Oh, killed any?" she asked. "Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he answered. Intrigued the wife asked, "How can you tell them apart?" The husband replied, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Police Interview Joke

The police asked where I was between 5 and 6.. so I told them nursery school.

Cow In An Earthquake Joke

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Dogs Can't Read

Dogs can't read an MRI but CATScan!

Voting Elves Joke

Where do Elves go to vote?

Hawaiian Pizza

I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.

Leather Pants

Research has shown that when a woman wears leather clothing, a man's heart beats faster, his throat gets dry, and he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. Then it was discovered why... She smells like a new truck.

Little Mermaid Joke

What did the Little Mermaid wear to math class?

Days Of The Weak Joke

Saturday and Sunday's are the strongest days... all the rest are weak days!

Cut Lightning Joke

How do you cut lightning?

Crocodile With GPS Joke

What do you call a crocodile with GPS?

Guy With No Arms And No Legs, In A Pot Of Boiling Water Joke

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pot of boiling water?

Worse Than Raining Cats And Dogs Joke

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Stegosauruses Joke

Why are stegosauruses, such good volleyball players?

Cat's Favorite Nursery Rhyme Joke

What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?

Frog Parking Only

What happens when a frog illegally parks?

Minneapolis Joke

We all know where the Big Apple is, but does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

2000 Year Old Stain Joke

I saw a 2000 years old stain... It was from ancient greece.

David Hasselhoff Walked Into A Bar Joke

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink. "It's a pleasure to serve you Mr. Hasselhoff," said the bartender. "Just call me Hoff," the actor replied. "Sure," the bartender said, "no hassle."

Shared Amazon Account Joke

What do you call a couple who share an Amazon account?

Dark Spelled With A K

Why is "dark" spelled with a "K" and not a "C"?

Elephant And Naked Man Joke

You hear what the elephant said to the naked man?

Time Travel Joke

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke ...but you guys didn't like it.

Pig With Laryngitis Joke

Did you hear about the pig with laryngitis?

Tweety Bird Hospital Joke

Why did the Tweety bird go the hospital?

Rabbits Walking Backwards Joke

What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards?

Astronauts Feet Joke

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Take Your Kid To Work Day Joke

An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her dad on "Take your kid to work day." As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. He father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly; "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

Iron Man Joke

Why Iron-man and not Fe-male?

Magic Dog Joke

What do you call a magic dog?

Grizzly

What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth?

Computer Password Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Search And Rescue Joke

I heard on the news that Search and Rescue had plucked 2 stranded fishermen out of the ocean and were looking for their capsized boat. I thought, Gee, how are they ever going to find something that small.

Karate Pig Joke

What do you call a pig that does karate?

Butter Rumor

Have you heard the latest rumor about butter?

Hokey Pokey

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.

Pizza Button On The Microwave.

I put a potato in the microwave and pushed the pizza button. The little bell rang but it was still a potato.

Wife Bra

I almost tripped over my wife’s bra the other day... I'm sure it was a booby trap.

Hospital Joke

What part of the hospital has the least privacy?

Canned Meat Joke

If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it... It's Spam!

Going Deaf Joke

The Doc told me I was going deaf... It was hard to hear.

Girlfriends Eyebrows Joke

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised!

Football Player Who Likes Dad Jokes

What do you call a football player that likes dad jokes?

Detective Duck Joke

What was the goal of the detective duck?

Tortilla Factory Joke

Why did the baker open a tortilla factory?

Vegan Argument

If two vegans get into an argument... is it still considered a beef?

Toilet Paper Cross The Road Joke

Why didn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?

Star Wars Pirate Joke

What do you get if you cross Star Wars and a Pirate?

Tiger Stripes Joke

Why do tigers have stripes?

Sushi Talking To Bee's Joke

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Flower Ride Its Bike Joke

Why couldn't the flower ride its bike?

No House Numbers Joke

If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!

Tree Scientist Joke

What do you call a tree that does science experiments?

People Who Never Get Angry Joke

What kind of people never get angry?

Fake Noodle Joke

What do you call a fake noodle?

Dad Stealing From His Job Joke

I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home all the signs were there!

Use You Big Boy Words Joke

A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SHIT."

Wise Man Joke

A wise man once told his wife nothing, because he was a wise man.

Dad Jokes Joke

Where does Dad keep his Dad jokes?

Runners Memory Joke

What do runners do when they forget something?

Tree Stand Joke

How do you make a tree-stand?

Monster Dessert Joke

What is a monster's favorite dessert?

Jack And The Bean Stalk Joke

My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk.

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

Lego Joke

Lego store reopens after lockdown! Folks lined up for blocks!

Dropped Your Laundry Joke

My wife has just fallen over and dropped a basket full of freshly ironed clothes. I just sat back and watched it all unfold!

Disable Autocorrect Joke

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

Chewing Electric Cords Joke

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I grounded him. He's doing better currently. And conducting himself properly...

Lose Weight Joke

I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep.

Manager Of A Muffler Shop Joke

My friend quit his job as manager of a muffler shop. Said he was tired of coming home every night exhausted.

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Boiling Water Obituary Joke

Rest in peace boiling water... You will be mist.

How Does An Astronaut Cut His Hair On The Moon?

How does an astronaut cut his hair on the moon?

Do You Feel Any Pain?

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

Clairvoyant Midget

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escapes police custody?

Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Hellman Mayonnaise Joke

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ...Sinko de Mayo.

Stimulus Check Joke

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens. He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

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