Dad Jokes Page 2 of 4 Fart.com

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I'm Giving Up

I'm posting this with a heavy heart... As much as I love photography and everything that comes with it, it is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of cleaning, cooking, and maintaining the home. So something has to give. I have decided to get rid of my gear. Below is a list of what is available. Serious inquiries only, no stupid offers please. Thanks for reading and understanding. Here is what I have for sale: 1. Vacuum cleaner 2. Dustpan and brush 3. Mop and bucket 4. Cat 5. Iron 6. Laundry detergent 7. Various Mr Muscle products Thank you.

Red, White, Blue And Green Joke

What's red, white and blue, and green?

Dad Jokes — Red, White, Blue and Green Joke Joke Meme.

Not Your Cheese Joke

What kind of cheese can never be yours?

My Wife And I Were Happy Joke

My wife and I were really happy for 22 years... Then we started dating.

Joke Jokes

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

Dad Jokes — Joke jokes Joke Meme

Piano Locked Out Of The House Joke

Why was the piano locked out of the house?

Coolest Doctor Joke

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

Road Construction Joke

What do road crews use at the North Pole?

Dad Jokes — Road Construction Joke Joke Meme

How To Drove In The Winter

Tips for winter driving. 1) Install winter tires. 2) Drive south. 3) Continue until you see palm trees. 4) Apply brakes and sunscreen.

Algebra Relationship Joke

When are relationships like algebra?

Drinking Problem Joke

I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me, so I gave up thinking.

Four Kidneys Joke

Did you know babies are born with four kidneys?

Giraffe’s Favorite Fruit Joke

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

What Do You Call A Fly Without Wings

What do you call a fly without wings?

Diet Tip

Your pants won't get to tight if you don't wear any.

True Love Always

Ladies, if he is... is hot, always smells good, makes your mouth water, tastes amazing, leaves you feeling happier than ever... That's not your man. That's a taco!

Joined A Gym

It's been six months since I joined the gym and still no progress. I'm going there tomorrow to find out what's going on.

Will Smith In The Snow

How to you find Will Smith in the snow?

Lubricants

I was reading a book about lubricants... It was non-friction.

Cheesy Jokes About Eyes

I love cheesy jokes about eyes... The cornea the better!

Wild Falcons

Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the world today were born in the 21st century... They're millennial falcons!

Snow Plow Joke

Why did the snow plows ask for a raise?

Chocolate Syrup Ice Cream Joke

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?

Unusual Rabbit Joke

How do you catch an unusual rabbit?

Amish Elevator

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father visited the city for the very first time. They wandered around, marveling at the different sights. Eventually, they got to a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but they were especially amazed at two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady passed between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son… "Junior, go get your Mother."

George Washington's Hatchet

Where did George Washington get his hatchet?

Good In Bed Joke

I'm actually pretty good in bed. I hardly ever fall out anymore.

Kleptomania Joke

I've been diagnosed with Kleptomania... but I'm taking something for it!

Sick Wooden Box Joke

How do you know if a wooden box is sick?

Date Night Joke

I had a date last night and I really enjoyed it. So tonight I'm going to try a fig.

How Late Do Cows Stay Up Joke

How late do cows stay up?

Why Are There Pop-tarts But No Mom-tarts?

Why are there Pop-tarts but no Mom-tarts?

Lottery Winner Joke

A man asked his wife what she would do it he won the lottery. She said, "I would take half the money and leave you!" "Great!", he said. "I won $12, here's $6. Stay in touch."

Where Did Your Sister Go Hunting

Someone asked me, "Where did your sister go hunting?". I said, "Alaska." He said, "Never mind I'll ask her myself!"

Bald Head Joke

Your dad's bald spot is so big you could draw an H on it and call it a helicopter landing pad.

Lobster Joke

Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. Paid my $2, then he says, "Once upon a time there was this lobster...".

Blessed The Rains Joke

Hey, did you hear about the experiment where they blessed the rains down in Africa?

All Grown Up

I'm a grown up... I groan when I get up!

Sleeping Cows

If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it's pasture bedtime?

How To Get Back On Your Feet

You want to how to get back on your feet?

Superhero Joke

What do you call a superhero with a bad sense of direction?

Green Pepper Archer

Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?

Mafia Cross The Road Joke

Why did the Mafia cross the road?

Humming Bird Joke

Why are they called humming birds?

Wife's Driving Test Joke

My wife had her driving test today. She got eight out of ten. The other two jumped out of the way!

Comic Sans Joke

Comic sans implies the existence of tragic sans.

Vegetarian Joke

My neighbor told me he is a vegetarian.⁠.. I told him I thought that was a big missed steak.⁠

Shark Attack Facts

Did you know... Sharks will only attack you when you're wet?

Horse Named Mayo Joke

I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!

Dog That Won't Fetch Or Listen Joke

What do you call a dog that won't fetch or listen?

What Did The Horse Say When It Fell Joke

What did the horse say when it fell?

Monkey Say To Banana Joke

What did the monkey say to the banana?

What Do Lemons Say When They Answer The Telephone?

What do lemons say when they answer the telephone?

Pig Nose Joke

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

A Pirate Goes To A Doctor

A pirate goes to the doctor's and says, "I have moles on my back!" The Doctor: "It’s ok, they're benign." Pirate: "Count again! I think there be ten!"

Soccer Joke

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport... I do it for the kicks!

Bra Joke

The biggest bra made for horses... Is the Z-bra!

Train Worker Struck By Lightning Joke

A train worker was struck by lightning... He was a great conductor!

Dancers Change A Light Bulb Joke

How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?

Mathematician Who Was Afraid Of Negatives Jokes

Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negatives?

An Avocado In Church Joke

What do you call an avocado in church?

Dinosaurs Floors Joke

What do dinosaurs use on the floors of their kitchens?

Flag And Flagpole Joke

What did the flag say to the flagpole?

Dirty Rabbit Joke

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue-ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. ???? I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home. It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones. I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me ????) Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong? They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

Dracula Joke

I’ve started my new job at the toy warehouse. There are only two of us that work on a production line for Dracula figures. I have to make every second count.

Gas Station Air Joke

When I was young, air at gas stations was free. Now they charge $1.50... That's inflation for you!

Circus Fire Joke

Did you hear about the circus fire?

Pig Drivers Joke

Why are pigs bad drivers?

Stand In The Corner If You Get Cold Joke

Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?

Cookie Meat Joke

I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

Dog With Rubber Leg Joke

Once there was a dog who had lost his back leg in an accident. This leg was replaced with a rubber one. Unfortunately, one day he started scratching all his body with the rubber leg, and he disappeared...

Plastic Surgery Joke

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

What Did Batman Do In The Bathroom Joke

What did Batman do in the bathroom?

Did You Hear About The Kidnapping At The School Joke

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the School?

Men Are Like Shoe Laces

Men are like shoelaces, they go through many holes before they tie the knot.

Career Choices

As I get older and I remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.

Know The Lyrics

I hate when I'm singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong...

Escaped Bunnies Joke

My kids were very upset when our bunnies escaped. They're too young to deal with hare loss.

A Maturing Joke

When does a joke become a dad joke?

How To Become A Millionaire

Hugh Hefner became a multi-millionaire staying home in his pajamas. I'm not having the same results.

Dad Bod Joke

Hey, that's not a dad bod... It's a father figure!

Dwarf Prisoner Joke

I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall!

Strong Mountain Joke

Why can't a mountain get stronger?

Thin Line Joke

There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator... And only a fraction of people can understand that.

Four Leaf Clover Joke

What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?

Caveman Valentine’s Day

What does a caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?

Scrabble Tiles Joke

Did you hear about the dog that ate the Scrabble tiles?

Nice Lawn Joke

I have a chicken-proof lawn... It's impeckable!

Trees Surfing The Internet

How do trees access the internet?

Pig Thief Joke

What do you call a pig thief?

Used Grapes Jokes

If you advertise used grapes... Is that raisin awareness?

Handy Man Joke

I hired a handy man and gave home a list of jobs to do. When I got home, only #1, #3 and #5 were done. Turns out he only does odd jobs.

Other Side Of The Lake Joke

Standing on the edge of the lake, someone shouted across "How do you get to the other side?"

What Did The Turkey Say To The Computer Joke

What did the turkey say to the computer?

Two Little People Walk Into A Mini Bar Joke

Two little people walk into a mini bar...

Christmas Sweater

I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

Religion Vs Science

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father replied, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies of their own, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said. "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Grocery List

Grocery List; (noun) A piece of paper you spend half an hour writing, and then forget to take with you to the store.

Coming With The Broom

Husband, "Honey I broke a glass in the kitchen." Wife, "I'm coming with the broom." Husband, "It isn't urgent, you can come on foot."

Knock Knock Pun

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.

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