A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far to many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarked, "So, you're the one who took out phone book!"
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds. "When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day. ""From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping. "
What are a blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that now was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?" "Helloooooo...," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
How are blondes are like a rollercoaster?
Everyone gets a ride!
Two blondes went out into the woods on a hunting trip. They are out there for several hours, and discover that they are lost! One says, "I heard that if you're lost in the woods, you fire three shots in the air, and wait for someone to come and rescue you." "Ok," says her pal, "let's do it." So they did, and waited to be rescued, but no-one came to their aid, so after an hour, they fired three more shots in the air, and waited again. It's nearly dark by now, and one says to the other, "I hope someone comes soon, we're down to our last three arrows."
So this guy asked his blond girlfriend what was her password and she told him it was "mickeyminniedonaldgoofyhueydueylouieplutohonolulu". When he asked her why she had such a long password she just rolled her eyes and said "hello! it does have to be at least eight characters and include a capital too!"
Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
How do you get a blonde to laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday!
Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would. About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I don't understand! Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left."
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened. "The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron." "What about the other one?" "They called back."
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!
A blonde lady goes into an auto parts store and asks for a seven-ten cap. All the clerks look at each other, and one says, "What's a seven-ten cap?" She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost and some how and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" the clerk asked. "My 1999 Chevrolet." "Okay lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. The clerk asks, "What does it do?" "I don't know, but its always been there." By now, the manager has come over. He hands the lady a note pad and asks her if she could draw a picture of it. The customer carefully draws a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. In the center she writes "710." The guys behind the counter, who are looking at the drawing upside down, can barely control their laughter as the boss walks to a shelf, grabs an OIL cap and puts in on the counter. "That's it!" the lady says. "How much?" "It's on the house," the manager replied. "Please come back often. You have no idea how entertaining it was waiting on you."
What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor?
Looking for an internship.
A blonde is in school, and her teacher is having a random discussion about IQs. Teacher: "So what would you say your IQ is?" she asks a student Kid #1: "I don't know.. I think it's just the regular 100." Teacher: "He, he, alright, you?" she asks another student. Kid #2: "Umm... well... I took a test and it's 118." Teacher: "Ah, you're pretty smart, then." The teacher then realizes that someone is not paying attention. Teacher: "What IQ do you think you have, young lady?" The blonde jolts up a little due to the surprise. Blonde: "My IQ?" Teacher: "Yes." The blonde then grins arrogantly, "Heh, my IQ is, I would say, probably like an A right now... what is that? Like a 4.0?"
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!" The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.
One day two blondes decided to take a trip to Disneyland. They were driving down the road and all of a sudden they came to an intersection where there was a sign read, Disneyland left. The two blonds looked at each other and said "Shoot!" and went back home.
A blonde goes into an electronics store and asks, "How much is that TV?" Salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blonds." So, she dyes her hair brown and comes back the next day as a brunette. "How much is this TV", she asks. Again, the salesman says "I'm sorry we don't sell to blondes." A few days later she returns to the store, this time as a redhead, but again the salesman says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." She asks, "My hair is red. How did you know I was really a blonde?" The salesman replies, "Because, that's not a TV. It's a microwave."
A blonde was standing in front of a vending machine. She put in a dollar, pushed a button and a coke came out. She put in another dollar, pushed a different button and an iced tea came out. The blonde kept doing this, until the man behind her became impatient. "Excuse me, can I just get a drink, Then you can continue whatever you're doing?" "No way!" exclaimed the blonde. "I'm not giving up this machine when I'm winning!"