Joke: A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far to many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarked, "So, you're the one who took out phone book!"
Joke: So this guy asked his blond girlfriend what was her password and she told him it was "mickeyminniedonaldgoofyhueydueylouieplutohonolulu". When he asked her why she had such a long password she just rolled her eyes and said "hello! it does have to be at least eight characters and include a capital too!"
Joke: Sitting next to each other on a plane is a blond woman and a lawyer. To make the plane ride a bit more interesting, the lawyer suggests that he and the blond play a game. "We each take turns to ask a question, and if you answer wrong you must give me $5 and if I answer wrong I give you $5." The blond woman says nothing. "Okay," says the man, "if I answer wrong, I have to give you $50, but if you answer wrong you only have to give me $5." "Alright," says the blond, "you go first." The man asks her "what is the distance from Earth to the nearest star?" the woman says nothing and hands $5 to the man. "What has five legs, is covered in pink and purple spots, and lives on a hill?" The lawyer, never having heard this riddle, gave the woman $50. "Wait," he said, "what is the answer to that question?" Without saying a word, the woman hands him $5.
Joke: A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds. "When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day. ""From hunger, you mean?" "No, from skipping. "
Joke: A policeman pulled a blonde over because she was driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the people are leaving.
Joke: There was a blonde who had taken up golf. She played her 1st round, and back in after only 20 minutes. She told the pro she was stung by a bee. He asked where. She said, "Between the first hole and the second hole." He said, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."
Joke: One day two blondes decided to take a trip to Disneyland. They were driving down the road and all of a sudden they came to an intersection where there was a sign read, Disneyland left. The two blonds looked at each other and said "Shoot!" and went back home.
Joke: A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that now was named Rolex and the other one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming their dogs like that?" "Helloooooo...," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
Joke: An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!
Joke: Two blondes went out into the woods on a hunting trip. They are out there for several hours, and discover that they are lost! One says, "I heard that if you're lost in the woods, you fire three shots in the air, and wait for someone to come and rescue you." "Ok," says her pal, "let's do it." So they did, and waited to be rescued, but no-one came to their aid, so after an hour, they fired three more shots in the air, and waited again. It's nearly dark by now, and one says to the other, "I hope someone comes soon, we're down to our last three arrows."
Joke: A blonde lady goes into an auto parts store and asks for a seven-ten cap. All the clerks look at each other, and one says, "What's a seven-ten cap?" She says, "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost and some how and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" the clerk asked. "My 1999 Chevrolet." "Okay lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. The clerk asks, "What does it do?" "I don't know, but its always been there." By now, the manager has come over. He hands the lady a note pad and asks her if she could draw a picture of it. The customer carefully draws a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. In the center she writes "710." The guys behind the counter, who are looking at the drawing upside down, can barely control their laughter as the boss walks to a shelf, grabs an OIL cap and puts in on the counter. "That's it!" the lady says. "How much?" "It's on the house," the manager replied. "Please come back often. You have no idea how entertaining it was waiting on you."
Joke: A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!" The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'.
Joke: A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions - "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now... The 45th bus just went by!"
