The Joker

Joke Count: 1231

Two Kids Drinking Battery Acid And Eating Fireworks Arrested On The 4th Of July Joke

The police arrested two kids on the 4th of July, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. What did the police do?

Alberts Brother

We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius but...

Political Lawn Signs

It's important to look carefully at lawn signs during an election. Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

IKEA Was Appointed Prime Minister Of Sweden Joke

Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.

Astronaut’s Favorite Part Of A Computer

What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?

Quick Money For Dummies Joke

I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies", by Robin Banks.

Super Bowl Tickets

A friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl, both box seats! He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3 pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too...She'll be the one in the white dress.

My Name Is Lance Pun

Lance is a common name these days, but in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.

Falling Autumn Leaves

It's autumn. My wife asked me why I won't rake the leaves?. I said, "It's because they're called leaves. If they were called pick-me-ups I would pick them up, but they're called leaves so I leave them."

Frozen Turkey's Joke

So, I was at Walmart earlier. A lady was looking at the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He replies with a straight face, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Pet Store Pun

The local pet store is having a free giveaway on birds today...no perches necessary.

Canary Island Joke

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.

The Wife Is Always Right

Nine out of Ten husbands agreed that their wives are always right... The 10th husband hasn't been seen since the study was conducted.

Gust Of Winds Favorite Color Joke

What is a gust of wind's favorite color?

Trump Locked Out Of White House Joke.

Why can't Donald Trump go to the White House anymore?

Grandma Walking Joke

At the age of 65 my grandma started walking 5 miles a day. She's 92 now and we have no idea where she is.

Bank Job

I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A women asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Pick A Person To Blame.

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems...

Quarantine's Over

When quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.

Strawberries

A neighbor suggested I put manure on my strawberries. Tasted horrible! I'm sticking with whipped cream!

COVID-19 Vacation

This is the first year I'm not going to Fiji due to COVID-19. I usually don't go because I'm poor!

How To Cure A Headache

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.

Butt Kisser Brown Nose Difference Joke

What's the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser?

Money Grows On Trees Joke

If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

Eight Hour Day

Sometimes it takes me eight hours to get nothing done.

Calendar Joke

Would February March?

Missing Cake

My wife bought a Christmas cake last week and now we can't find it. I think it was stollen.

Caveman Survival Joke

How did the caveman survive the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs?

Secure Job Joke

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

Pirate Singers Joke

Why are pirates great singers?

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