234 Puns - Fart.com

Jan 21, 2020 Last updated: Sep 14, 2020

Puns

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Antennas Pun

Two antennas got married yesterday. The wedding was just ok but the reception was really good.

Startled By A Loud Fart

I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled.

Puns — Startled by a Loud Fart Joke Meme.

Girlfriend Make Booze Joke

I used to have a girlfriend who made her own booze. I knew the relationship wouldn’t last but I really miss her still.

Native American Pun

A Native American goes to see a psychiatrist about some bad dreams he is having. The psychiatrist asks him to describe his nightmares and he said they are always about either wigwams or teepees. The doctor tells him he is obviously two tense.

Confucius Pun

Confucius say man who walks around with hands in pocket all day long feels cocky.

Puns — Confucius Pun Joke Meme

Termite Joke

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

Pickle Bread Pun

How do you make pickle bread?

Gardener Joke

I had to fire the guy who cut my lawn... He just didn't cut it!

Puns — Gardener Joke Joke Meme

Red & Purple

Two ships, one carrying a cargo of red paint, the other carrying a cargo of purple paint, ran aground on a desert island. The sailors are now marooned.

Big Hole In Intersection

Did you hear about the big hole at the intersection in town? Police are looking into it.

Sun Pun

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

What Does Gays Mean?

I was watching TV, my son was in a chair behind me reading a book. He said "dad, what does gays mean?" I got nervous, I said, "well, you know how me and your mother loves each other, its the same thing but with two men." He said "oh, ok. What does penetrating gays mean." Looking confused I said read me the sentence. He read, "She stared at her husband with a penetrating gaze".....

Pig With Invisible Legs Joke

What do you call a pig with invisible legs?

Lenin Tomb Pun

Lenin's tomb is a communist plot.

Pig In A Musical Joke

What happens when you put a pig in a musical?

Brain Transplant Pun

I was going to get a brain transplant...then I changed my mind.

Limousine Joke

I just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered the fee does not include a driver. Can't believe I spend all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it!

Sauna Restaurant Joke

Have you heard about the sauna that serves food?

Tennis Joke

I had to break up with my tennis player girlfriend... Love meant nothing to her!

Mile Bath Pun

A lady goes to her dermatologist and he tells her to take milk baths for her skin condition. She goes to the grocery store and when an employee asks her if she needs help she explains that she needs enough milk to take a bath. The employee asked her if she wants pasteurized and she replies "no up to my shoulders should be fine".

Big Flower Joke

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Pregnant Bed Bug

Did you hear about the pregnant bed bug?

Chimney Sweeps Joke

When chimney sweeps dress in the morning, are they "Sooting up?"

Indian Pun

Why were the Indians here first?

Cold Book Joke

What did the cold book do?

A Gentleman Walks Into Bar...

A gentleman walks into bar, and to his horror, sees a screaming naked lady tied to the wall while the bartender licks her! The guy runs out and calles the police. He is even more horrified when the police say there is nothing they can do; the bartender has a lick-her (liquor) license.

Santa Claus Pun

I never really believed in Santa, always was a rebel without a claus.

Why Is Z The Best Letter In The Alphabet Joke

Why is Z the best letter in the alphabet?

PMS Pun

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period!

Dinosaur Pun

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

Why Do You Still Carry A Comb?

I shaved my head when I started going bald years ago, but I still carry a comb... I just can’t part with it.

Left Side Cut Off Joke

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?

Psychiatrist Pun

This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely wrapped in cellophane. The doctor looks at the guy and says "well I can obviously see your nuts."

Theatrical Puns

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

A Weasel Walked Into A Bar

Did you hear about the weasel that walked into a bar in Minnesota? The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" "Pop" goes the weasel!

Pig Write A Letter Joke

How does a pig write a letter?

Pig With Ink On His Face Joke

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Pig Hired At A Restaurant Joke

Why did the pig get hired at the restaurant?

Funny Bone Pun

If you boil a funny bone, it's a laughing stock, that's humerous!

2000 Flushes

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Class Trip Pun

Class trip to Coca-Cola. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Upolsterer

Great news everyone. Apparently that man who was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun... is now fully "recovered".

Hold Water Joke

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like well damn.

What Do You Get When You Cross A Chef And A Meteorologist?

What do you get when you cross a chef and a meteorologist?

Talking Tree Pun

A lumberjack walks into the woods and goes to cut down a tree with his ax. The tree shout out "hey wait I'm a talking tree". The lumberjack responds "you may be a talking tree but you'll dialogue".

Geico Pun

if Geico ever fired the gecko that would be a reptile disfunction.

Restaurant On The Moon Pun

I would never open a restaurant on the moon....no atmosphere.

A Woman Scorn

A Woman tried to cut off her lover's penis, missed and cut his thigh, charged with a misdaweiner.

Playing With Our Words

A man's wife was in labor with their first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly the man's wife began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!!" The man said, "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" The doctor replied, "Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Caught Steeling In Cooking Class Joke

I was kicked out of my cooking class for stealing. I still think it was a whisk worth taking.

Clown Pun

If you are ever attacked by a bunch of clowns just go right for the juggler.

Dog Gunfight Pun

A dog walks into a bar in the old west days and ends up in a fight. They go out in the street and in a shootout he gets his gun shot out of his hand. He comes back into the saloon the next day with his gun strapped on the other side and says .."I want to see the son of a bitch that shot my paw?"

Emergency Room Pun

A guy ends up in the emergency room from eating bad horse meat. The doctor told his family he's in stable condition.

Dyslexic Pun

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Bladder Infection Pun

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Your Type

Times New Roman and Helvetica walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."

Piano Locked Out Of The House Joke

Why was the piano locked out of the house?

Cooking Joke

I yelled into a colander while cooking... now my voice is strained.

More Lives Than A Cat Joke

What animal has more lives than a cat?

She Missed Me Joke

She said she missed me. Normally, that would be good... But she's reloading.

Don't Drink Gas Joke.

Who can drink 5 gallons of gas without getting sick?

One Halloween Night....

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash". Terrified the man grabbed the first thing he could, a bottle of Robitussin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!

Hamburger Gym Joke

Why did the hamburger go to the gym?

Sink Say To Toilet Joke

What did the sink say to the toilet?

Date Night Joke

I had a date last night and I really enjoyed it. So tonight I'm going to try a fig.

I Respect Giraffe’s Joke

I respect giraffe’s... They’re an animal I can look up to.

Lettuce Pun

Lettuce come together. Romaine Calm. This may be just the tip of the iceberg.

Crazy Guy In Jungle Pun

How did the crazy guy get through the jungle? He took a psycho path.

Knot Joke

Can you tie a knot? "I cannot." "So can you tie a knot?" "No, I cannot knot." "Not knot?" "Who's there?"

Qanon Shaman Joke

What did Qanon Shaman's mom say to him when he was on his way to jail? Bison.

All Grown Up

I'm a grown up... I groan when I get up!

Sleeping Cows

If you notice cows sleeping in a field, does that mean it's pasture bedtime?

Pig Sunbathing Joke

Why did the pig stop sunbathing?

Cremation Pun

Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body!

Is TV Making You Dumb?

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness' but it doesn't work.

Rope Walks In Bar Pun

A piece of rope walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender tells him they don't serve string in his bar and to get out. The rope goes outside messes up his hair, ties himself up, and walks back into the bar. The bartender sees him and says "aren't you the rope that was just in here"? The rope responds "not me, I'm a frayed not".

Dart Board

My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.

Soccer Joke

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport... I do it for the kicks!

Train Worker Struck By Lightning Joke

A train worker was struck by lightning... He was a great conductor!

Dracula Joke

I’ve started my new job at the toy warehouse. There are only two of us that work on a production line for Dracula figures. I have to make every second count.

Pig Drivers Joke

Why are pigs bad drivers?

King Pencil Joke

Who's the king of the pencil case?

Broken Tomato Joke

How do you fix a broken tomato?

Carpentry Pun

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it, but nobody saw it.

What Is A Police Officer's Favorite Sweater Joke

What is a police officer's favorite sweater?

Pondering Thoughts

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Get Thinner Joke

I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work!

Frisbee Pun

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger….then it hit me

Axe Pun

Two guys got into a fight on the bus here yesterday and one of the guys threw a hatchet and hit the other guy in the head. The strange part is the victim refused to press charges so my guess is that he must have axed for it.

Megabyte Pun

My friend is changing his bands name to 999 Megabytes because they never got a gig.

Clean Mirror Job Joke

I used to have a job cleaning mirrors but I couldn't see myself doing it for a living.

National Hot Dog Day Joke - Buddhist Pun

A Buddhist goes up to a hotdog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

Steaks In A Bar Pun

A man walks into a bar and there is a bunch of meat hanging from the ceiling. The man asks the bartender what's the deal with the meat and the bartender explains that if you jump up and slap a piece of meat you get to drink free for the night, but if you miss you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar. So the bartender asks him if he wants to go for it. The guy tells him, "I can't, the steaks are just too high."

Dachshund And The Cowboy Pun

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? So he could get a long little doggie.

Irish Furniture Pun

Who is Irish and sits outside all day?

Road Worker Stealing Pun

I never really wanted to believe that my friend, a road worker, was stealing from his job but when I went to his house there they were. I should have known, all the signs were right there.

Blood Pun

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

Athens Sunrise Pun

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Escaped Bunnies Joke

My kids were very upset when our bunnies escaped. They're too young to deal with hare loss.

A Maturing Joke

When does a joke become a dad joke?

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