JOKES INDEX

Joke: Is that a mirror in your jeans?

Joke: What movie is really the sequel to April Fools?

Joke: Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure there is nothing you over-indulge in?" "Well," said the man, "I lie extensively."

Joke: Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it. The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are over reactors. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great. A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.

Joke: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

Joke: A farmer had three very beautiful daughters. One Friday they all had dates, as they do every Rriday. Well the very protective farmer was sitting in the living room watching television that friday when the doorbell rang. He opened the door to see a man which was clearly one of the girls dates. Well the man says "My name's Sam and I'm here for Pam and we're going to go jam". So the father okays everything and calls his daughter down. the couple leaves. Ten minutes later the doorbell rings and there is another man. He says "My name's Freddy and I'm here for betty and we're going to go eat some spaghetti". Once again the farmer okays everything and they go along on their merry way. Ten minutes later the door belll rings again and the farmer opens the door. The Farmer says you must be here for Cindy. The man at the door says "Yes actually, my name's Chuck and were going to go-" The farmer shot him.

Joke: A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost."$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10. "The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.""Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

Joke: A blonde lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors, so I went to see him. . . when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the cow paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he was trying to win a Noble Peace prize. I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock? "He replied, "I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Noble Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field. "

Joke: Two nuns have just arrived in the US and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs" "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Joke: I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!