117 HOLIDAY JOKES

Question 1

Santa Sleigh

How much did Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Question 2

Snowmen Breakfast Joke

What do snowmen have for breakfast?

Question 3

Snowman 6-Pack Joke

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

Question 4

Ghost Didn't Eat His Candy Joke

Why didn't the ghost eat his candy?

Question 5

A Church Has A Rat Problem

The church doesn't want to kill the rats so they trap them and release them far away, but the next day they are back. Next, they try to ask them politely to leave, but still, they won't budge. Finally, the priest has one last idea, he baptized all the rats.

Question 6

Chocolate Advent Calendar Joke

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 3 days till Christmas

Question 7

Why Was Dracula Afraid Of Cows Joke

Why was Dracula afraid of cows?

Question 8

Santa R&R Pun

Where does Santa go after Christmas to relax?

Question 9

Missing Cake

My wife bought a Christmas cake last week and now we can't find it. I think it was stollen.

VOTE

Question 10

Frozen Turkey's Joke

So, I was at Walmart earlier. A lady was looking at the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He replies with a straight face, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Question 11

Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. Problem was, the parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary, but to no avail. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd killed the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued. "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Question 12

Two Kids Drinking Battery Acid And Eating Fireworks Arrested On The 4th Of July Joke

The police arrested two kids on the 4th of July, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. What did the police do?

Question 13

Leprechauns

One day a man with a box walked into a bar. He sat down, opened the box, and out popped a leprechaun. The man told the bartender, "I want a pint of beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." There was a man sitting at the end of the bar watching all of this and after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar and spit in the guy's face, then he ran back. The guy with the box said, "I'll have another beer and a shot of whiskey for my buddy here." After the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he again ran to the end of the bar and spit in the man's face, then dashed back. The guy with the box ordered another beer for himself and another shot for the leprechaun. Again, after the leprechaun drank his shot of whiskey, he ran down to the end of the bar. But this time the man was waiting for him and he grabbed the leprechaun and held him in the air. He said, "If you spit in my face again, I'm going to cut your wiener off." The leprechaun laughed and said, "Leprechauns don't have wieners." Then the man said, "If you don't have wieners, then how do you pee?" "By spitting," said the leprechaun.

Question 14

Skeleton At A Restaurant Joke

What's a skeleton's favorite thing to order at a restaruant?

Question 15

Halloween Screwdriver Costume Joke

For Halloween I dressed up as a screwdriver... I turned a few heads .

Question 16

Dear Santa Joke

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year.

Question 17

Why Did The Turkey Cross The Road?

Why did the turkey cross the road?

117 HOLIDAY JOKES

Santa Sleigh

Snowmen Breakfast Joke

Snowman 6-Pack Joke

Ghost Didn't Eat His Candy Joke

A Church Has A Rat Problem

Chocolate Advent Calendar Joke

Why Was Dracula Afraid Of Cows Joke

Santa R&R Pun

Missing Cake

Frozen Turkey's Joke

Rude Parrot

Two Kids Drinking Battery Acid And Eating Fireworks Arrested On The 4th Of July Joke

Leprechauns

Skeleton At A Restaurant Joke

Halloween Screwdriver Costume Joke

Dear Santa Joke

Why Did The Turkey Cross The Road?

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