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How Do You Spell Orange Joke.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you to spell "orange", and you asked me the fruit or the color it kinda caught me off guard.

Captain Obvious

Do you ever notice that when geese fly in a "V" formation, one side is always longer than the other?

Athens Sunrise Pun

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Florist Joke

The first five florist I called knew nothing about carpet or tile. And suddenly I'm the idiot.

Two Ways To Argue...

There are two ways to argue with a woman... Neither one of them works.

Voting Elves Joke

Where do Elves go to vote?

Cops And Robbers Joke

George an 83-year-old man, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garage, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the garage stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is your garage detached from your house" and he said yes. Then they said that all patrols were busy and that he should simply go back into his house, lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my garage. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now cause I’ve just shot them all." Then he hung up. Within five minutes 6 police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, and an ambulance showed up at George's residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Why Was The Belt Arrested

Why was the belt arrested?

A Father Feels The Pain Of Childbirth

Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it. The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are over reactors. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great. A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.

Hawaiian Pizza

I just burnt this Hawaiian pizza. Guess I should have used aloha temperature.

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