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Recount Or Else!

I just called my bank and told them that they counted wrong so I want to find $11,780 in my account by tomorrow!

There Were Three Friends Stranded On An Island...

There were three friends stranded on an island. Exploring the island, the three men found a bottle so they opened it. A genie came out, and she said that she would grant them three wishes. The first man said, "I wish I was with my family" and *poof* he was with his family. The second guy said "I wish I was in a bar with my friends" and *poof* he was gone. The third guy was feeling bad and the genie asked, "What's wrong?" "The man said, I'm lonely I wish my friends were here." Poof, his two friends were back on the island.

Social Distancing Joke

How long is this social distancing supposed to last? My wife keeps trying to come in the house.

A Second Opinion

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

In Flight Emergency

"Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!". "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"

Computer Password Joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "My penis" and the wife falls to the ground laughing, because on-screen it says, "Error, not long enough."

Electrical Work Pun

It shocks me how bad I am at electrical work around the house.

Air Freshener Pun

I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work, I plug it in and switch it on.. nothing!....It just doesn't make scents.

The Art Of A Fart

Art is when u fart without F.

Water Bed More Bouncy Joke

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

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