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Page 49 of 190
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Feeling So Ashamed
Joke:
"I'm feeling so ashamed of the way we live," a wife said to her husband, who preferred to spend his time laying on the couch watching TV, rather than finding a job. "My father pays our mortgage, my mother buys all of our groceries for us, my sister buys us our clothes, my uncle bought us a car. I'm feeling so ashamed." The husband raised his head and replied, "Well, you should feel ashamed. Those three worthless brothers of yours never even give us a cent!"
VOTE
Astronomy Fart
Joke:
The number of my farts is gastronomical.
VOTE
Ice Fart
Joke:
What did water say when ice farted?
Punch Line
VOTE
Saint Patrick
Joke:
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser." "Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that." Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!" "Oh really? Hmm, didn't know that." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
VOTE
Blonde Golf
Joke:
There was a blonde who had taken up golf. She played her 1st round, and back in after only 20 minutes. She told the pro she was stung by a bee. He asked where. She said, "Between the first hole and the second hole." He said, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."
VOTE
Guitar Pun
Joke:
A woman is on trial for beating her husband with his guitars. The judge asks her, "first offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender."
VOTE
Don't Eat A Dictionary
Joke:
I swallowed a dictionary. It gave me the Thesaurus throat I've ever had.
VOTE
Santa Sleigh
Joke:
How much did Santa pay to park his sleigh?
Punch Line
VOTE
Cross Bambi And A Ghost Joke
Joke:
What Do You Get If You Cross Bambi With A Ghost?
Punch Line
VOTE
A Guy Goes To The Doctor For A Checkup...
Joke:
A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says,"Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news". The guy says, "Well gimme the worst news first". The doc says, "Well sir you have Cancer". The guy says "That's terrible news, but whats the bad news?" The doc says "Well sir, you also have Alzheimers disease". "Well", answers the guy, "At least I don't have Cancer".
VOTE
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