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Footsteps

Yo mama so fat that when she takes a step, people die from tremors.

Had It All...

A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman ... then ... pow! ... it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "Ahhhh ... my wife found out ..."

Chimney

What did the big chimney say to the small one?

The Wife Is Always Right

Nine out of Ten husbands agreed that their wives are always right... The 10th husband hasn't been seen since the study was conducted.

Batman And Robin

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?

Astronaut’s Favorite Part Of A Computer

What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer?

Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. Problem was, the parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music, and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary, but to no avail. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd killed the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued. "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Quick Money For Dummies Joke

I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies", by Robin Banks.

Catholic Joke

How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Political Lawn Signs

It's important to look carefully at lawn signs during an election. Last time I voted for a real estate agent.

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