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What Life's About.

Life is all about ass: You're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, behaving like one, or you live with one.

Joined A Gym

It's been six months since I joined the gym and still no progress. I'm going there tomorrow to find out what's going on.

Dog Gunfight Pun

A dog walks into a bar in the old west days and ends up in a fight. They go out in the street and in a shootout he gets his gun shot out of his hand. He comes back into the saloon the next day with his gun strapped on the other side and says .."I want to see the son of a bitch that shot my paw?"

May Flowers Joke

If April showers bring May flowers what do may flowers bring?

Algebra Relationship Joke

When are relationships like algebra?

Immature Joke

A friend kept telling me how immature I am so I told him to get out of my fort.

Dancing Shoes

I drank so much wine last night, when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.

What's The Difference Between A Dead Lawyer...

What's the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead dog in the road?

Elders' Joke

Grandma and grandpa where watching healing service on TV. The Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put on hand on the TV and the other hand on a body part that wanted healing. Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private parts. Grandma looked at him and says... "Dear, I guess you just don't get it do you? The purpose is to heal the sick NOT to raise the dead"!

Mermaid Jobs Joke

Where do mermaids look for jobs?

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