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Monkey And Bananas

A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Don't Drink And Ride

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself, "What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break". So, I drank all the Scotch before I road home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.

Personal Liberties

Yo Momma Is So Old...

Yo momma is so old, she has toys made in America.

Yo Mama's So Ugly Not Even The Tide Would Take Her Out Joke

Yo Mama's so ugly not even the tide would take her out.

Constipated Composer

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

I See You And Jesus Sees You

A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for an opportunity. At one house he saw a truck unloading a big-screen television, stereo, and video outfit. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, broke the lock on the kitchen door and went in. It was pitch black inside as he made his way through the kitchen, then the dining room and into the den where he expected to find the things he wanted to steal. "I see you and Jesus sees you," a voice said. The burglar froze in his tracks. "I see you and Jesus sees you," the voice said again. When nothing more happened, the burglar took out his flashlight and shined it in the direction of the voice. All he saw was a parrot on its perch. "I see you and Jesus sees you. "The burglar laughed. "Just a dumb bird," he said. The burglar closed the drapes before turning on a lamp and that's when he saw a big and mean-looking Doberman Pincher sitting beneath the parrot's perch. "Sic him, Jesus!", said the parrot.

I Though I Was Stupid

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thought I was stupid, Then I met you!

Covid19 Shopping

They said mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.

The Speed Of Light

Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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