78 One Liner Jokes - Fart.com

Jan 21, 2020 Last updated: Aug 24, 2021

One Liner Jokes

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Wise Man Vs A Fool Joke

Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.

At The Bar

A woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre, so he gave her one.

One Liner Jokes — At The Bar Joke Meme.

Slow Down A Horse

How do you slow down a running horse?

Quitting Is Easy Joke

Quitting Is Easy, It's Not Starting Again That's Hard.

Religious Right?

The religious right is neither.

One Liner Jokes — Religious Right? Joke Meme

Right Or Wrong

I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong!

Psychics?

Why do psychics ask so many questions when they supposedly already know the answers?

Foreign Film

Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.

One Liner Jokes — Foreign Film Joke Meme

Oh, My Stars!

Astronomy is looking up.

COVID-19

Cornona Virus, it's an inside joke.

Political Insanity

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

Mindreaders

Here's a question for all you mindreader's out there.

Rut Vs Grave

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Pizza Joke

I have a joke about pizza... It's a little cheesy!

Just So Naive

Ever wonder why bottled water costs so much when there is so much of it?

Timing Is Everything Joke

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Do It Right The First Time

Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.

It's All In Your Head Joke

Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds!

Fear Of Speed Bumps

I have a fear of speed bumps... I'm slowly getting over it.

High Standards

If all else fails... lower your standards.

Skydiving Joke

If you go Skydiving, and your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to try to fix it.

Not Only...

Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

Bladder Infection Pun

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

It's Inevitable

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Doing The Impossible

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

Dogs And Fire Hydrants Joke

Some days you're the Dog, & Some days you're the Hydrant.

Indistinct Definition

In-dis-tinct: Where one places dirty dishes (in the sink).

Corduroy

Corduroy pillows, they're making headlines.

Diet Tip

Your pants won't get to tight if you don't wear any.

Outlaw Marriage Joke

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

I Respect Giraffe’s Joke

I respect giraffe’s... They’re an animal I can look up to.

Breakfast At Any Time

I went into a restaurant that served 'breakfast at any time'. So, I asked for French Toast in the time of the Renaissance.

Golden Rule

My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them!

Admit Your Faults

Some people won't admit their faults. I would if I had any.

Artificial Intelligence

Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Time Flies Joke

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

Comic Sans Joke

Comic sans implies the existence of tragic sans.

Chiropractor Joke

Does anyone remember the joke about a chiropractor I put on here about a week back?

Horse Named Mayo Joke

I have a horse named Mayo... Mayo neighs!

Cremation Pun

Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body!

Chemistry Joke

I like to tell chemistry jokes, but I never get a good reaction.

Dart Board

My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.

Stupid People Joke

Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the crap out of them until the light comes on!

Cookie Meat Joke

I tried Wookie meat... It was Chewy.

Bosses And Diapers

Bosses are like diapers. Full of shit and all over your ass!

Comedic Dreams

Always wanted to be a comedian but everyone just laughed at me!

Two Little People Walk Into A Mini Bar Joke

Two little people walk into a mini bar...

That's Life Joke

We are born naked, wet, and hungry... Then things get worse.

Book Fell On My Head Joke

Yesterday a book fell on my head... I only have my shelf to blame.

An Unbreakable Toy Is...

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Congress Or Baboon's Joke

A group of baboons is called a congress. (that is the joke)

Listening

No one is listening to you until you make a mistake.

The Cyclist

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

No House Numbers Joke

If your home doesn't have house numbers on it, you should address that!

Don't Trust Stairs Joke

I don't trust stairs... They're always up to something.

Do You Feel Any Pain?

My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"

Not Bragging

I don't mean to brag but cashiers are always checking me out.

Google Joke

Google must be a woman because it knows everything!

People Person Joke

I used to be a people person... but people ruined that for me!

A Really Dumb Dad Joke

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff... Baa-dumm-tss.

Losing Weight Joke

Loosing weight doesn't seem like it's working, so I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.

Cheers To Bread

To the person who invented bread. I'd like to propose a toast.

You've All Heard Of TGIF...

You've all heard of TGIF - Thank God It's Friday, right? Well my Assistant refers to Friday as POETS day... Piss Off Early, Tomorrow's Saturday!

IQ Test Results

If you took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

Eight Hour Day

Sometimes it takes me eight hours to get nothing done.

How To Cure A Headache

When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like it says on the bottle.

Canary Island Joke

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands? Same as with the Virgin Islands... No canaries there either.

Quick Money For Dummies Joke

I'm reading a book called "Quick Money for Dummies", by Robin Banks.

IKEA Was Appointed Prime Minister Of Sweden Joke

Just read the CEO of IKEA was appointed Prime Minister of Sweden. He's currently assembling his cabinet.

Idiot In Suspense

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

The Only Art Coming Out Of You Joke

The only art coming out of you is in a fart!

Today's Math Problem

If George is 68 and his girlfriend is 22, how much money does George have?

When It Rains

When it rains do tall people get wet first?

How To Catch Fog

I tried to catch some fog... I mist!

The Speed Of Light

Since light travels faster that sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Roman Numerals

A Roman citizen walks into a bar raises two fingers and says to the waiter, "five beers, please."

Pencil Pun

Broken pencils are pointless.

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