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Funny Guys Are Dangerous

Funny guys are dangerous, they'll make you laugh and laugh and laugh then boom you're naked.

Frozen Windows Joke

A woman in Wisconsin texted her husband early one morning, "Windows Frozen". Husband texted back, "Gently pour lukewarm water on windows". Later wife texted back, "Computer REALLY messed up now".

So Many Stupid People

Seriously, I don't know when exactly that UFO landed and dumped all these stupid people, but they apparently aren't coming back for them!

Looking Good

Wife, "My aerobics instructor says I've got the chest of a 23 year old!" Husband, "What did he say about your 60 year old ass?" Wife, "We never mentioned you!"

Beekeeper Joke

I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra!" That's a freebie.

My Poem

I'd share my poem about the wind....but it's only a draft.

Helping A Person In Need.

I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too naive. Last night it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our hearts. We felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him. The last straw?!?! When I realized he had peed all over the floor! That's the “thank you” I get for being good to people?!?!?! Now I'm going to warn my friends to watch out for this man! He is heavy-set, wearing nothing but a scarf and top hat, he has a carrot-like nose, two black eyes, and his arms are stick skinny. Don't bring him into your house! What a mess he made on the floor.

Mindreaders

Here's a question for all you mindreader's out there.

Falling Autumn Leaves

It's autumn. My wife asked me why I won't rake the leaves?. I said, "It's because they're called leaves. If they were called pick-me-ups I would pick them up, but they're called leaves so I leave them."

Know The Lyrics

I hate when I'm singing along to a song and the artist gets the lyrics wrong...

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