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Pumpkin Math

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Food That Causes Grief & Suffering

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake!

A Wife Sends A Text To Her Husband

Wife, "Honey, don't forget to buy bread when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you." Husband, "Who is Valerie?" Wife, "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw buy text." Husband, "But I'm with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?" Wife, "What?! Where are you?" Husband, "Near the bakery." Wife, "Wait, I'm coming right now!" After five minutes the wife sends a message: Wife, "I'm at the bakery, where are you?" Husband, "I'm at work. Now that you're at the bakery, you can buy the bread!"

Which Witch Watch Halloween Joke

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

Anti-clockwise Watch

The wicked witch from the south watches the watch that’s turning anti-clockwise, so now everyone knows now which witch watches what watch.

Smiling Or Laughing

If you see me smiling, it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty. If you see me laughing, I've already done it.

Salad For Dinner

Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza, I ate pizza.

Treadmill Joke

I just saw some idiot at the gym put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Grandma On Speed Dial

I put grandma on speed dial and now I have Insta-Gram!

Fly Spray

Bought a can of fly spray. Sprayed it all over me. I still can't fly.

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