Joke: The graveyard service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
Joke: Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!" And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played a lot of golf, and drank beer and whiskey, and had loads of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted. The End.
Joke: A biker was riding his Harley along a California highway, when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: Because you have tried to be faithful to me and always, I will grant you one wish. The biker pulled over and said, build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want. The Lord said your request is materialistic. Think of all the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind. The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, when she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, when she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy. The Lord replied, “ do you want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?”
Joke: My wife yelled down from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No." She responded, "How about now?"
Joke: A friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl, both box seats! He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3 pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too...She'll be the one in the white dress.
Joke: A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
Joke: A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman stared straight ahead. The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risqué and that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
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