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One Halloween Night....

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump". He began running and the coffin kept up and began opening and closing, ""thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". Terrified he ran to his front door, and went inside, slamming the door and locking it. The coffin continued, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump - CRASH" it came right through the door, He ran up the stairs, and right behind him, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap, "thumpety thump, thumpety thump clap". He rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, but the coffin broke through the door - "thumpety thump, thumpety thump crash". Terrified the man grabbed the first thing he could, a bottle of Robitussin and threw it - and the coffin stopped!

Talking To Myself Joke

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed and we're having a staff meeting.

Environmentalists

A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area... and I'm sorry, they all turned me down."

How To Get A Good Price On A Sled Joke

How do you get a good price on a sled?

Leather And Sounds Like A Sneeze Joke

What is made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A Blonde Goes To The Super Bowl

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Superbowl game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game her asked her how she liked it. "Oh, I really like it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was... Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! I'm like Helloooo? It's only 25 cents."

A Little Boy And The Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!"

Take Your Kid To Work Day Joke

An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her dad on "Take your kid to work day." As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. He father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly; "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?"

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes Joke

Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes first. That way if you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Frisbee Pun

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger….then it hit me

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