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Optimist, Pessimist And Engineer.

A pessimist sees a 1/2 full glass, as half empty. An optimist sees it as half full. And an engineer sees it as twice as big as necessary.

Dubai Abu Dhabi Difference Joke

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Hold Water Joke

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like well damn.

Three Eyed Pig Joke

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

Granny & Peanuts..

Mike and his pal Tim were on a short visit to Mike's grandma. While Mike was in the kitchen chatting with her, Tim was in the living room - watching TV. Then he noticed a plate of peanuts on the coffee table. He took it and started snacking on peanuts. After a few minutes, Mike finished his chat with grandma and the boys started to leave. At the door, Tim shouted to her, but she still is in the kitchen, "Ma'am!, I ate some of the peanuts you had on the table. Thank you!". "Ooh!", granma replied joyfully. "I'm glad someone ate them. Because, since I lost all my teeth, I could not eat them anymore..All I could do is suck all the chocolate off of them!"

Pharaohs Farts

If two pharaohs farted at the same time, they would have a toot in common.

What Do You Get If You Are Allergic To Noodles?

What do you get if you are allergic to noodles?

Why Did The Dragon Sleep All Day?

Why did the dragon sleep all day?

Computer Trouble

A man called the computer company technical support because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you?" "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."

Honeymoon Surprise

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

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