Joke: A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. That's when I made my mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"
Joke: Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so he decides they will try it. The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the husband says, "I don't feel a thing. You women are babies. Take another pill I can handle this." So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens. Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing. By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband. She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling nothing. He is convinced that women are over reactors. He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all. Let me take all the pain away." So she does. Now they are both feeling great. A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. The next day they take their newborn son home, and there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.
Joke: A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?" "I would have gotten out today."
Joke: I was reminded today just how awful my wife's cooking was when we were first married. Yes, it's cliche but it's true. It was so bad that I teased her relentlessly. Recently, after an exceptionally exquisite meal, I put my fork down and asked her to what she attributed her acquired culinary mastery. She smiled a warm smile and looked at me as if I were an angel of light delivering divine revelation."Well," she said as her voice took on an ethereal grace, "I believe it is a reflection of my heart. That the joy and love I feel are manifest in my cooking, in my gardening, in our children, in everything! I believe all things in life turn out well if they are done soulfully and honestly.""Damn, baby," I said, my head awhirl at the thoughts and sounds from the woman next to me. "I'm going to call that shrink of yours and tell him he has finally nailed the combination of prozac, lithium and paxil."
Joke: A guy went into a bookshop and asked the salesgirl if she had a book called, "How to Master Your Wife." The salesgirl said, "Our science fiction section is upstairs."
Joke: One day, this lady is golfing, and she hits her ball in the woods. she goes to look for it, and intead finds a frog in a trap. Hey, it says. Let me go and I'll grant you 3 wishes. Ok, she says. So she frees it, and it says, Sorry, forgot to tell you. whatever you get, your husband gets ten times the amount of whatever it is you wish for. Ok, fine. So, the frog asks, what's your first wish? I want to be the most beautiful women in the world. Fine, it says. Suddenly, she's gorgeous. You are the most beatiful woman. But now your husband is ten times more handsom than you. Thats ok, she say. He only has eyes for me. What's your second wish? asked the frog. I want to be the richest woman in the world. The frog then says, ok, but now your husband is ten times richer. That's ok she says. What's his is mine, what's mine is his. "OK", says the frog. What is your last wish? I want a mild heart attack.
Joke: The Philosopher Plato once said... "I am the wisest man alive for I know one thing... and that one thing is that I know nothing." How did he know that? His wife told him.
To subscribe log in and click the "Join our mailing list button" or navigate to your user dashboard, and click the box next to "Weekly Fart.com Newsletter".
