JOKES INDEX

Question 1

One Sad Coffee Coming Right Up!

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Question 2

Vegetarian Fart

What do you call a vegetarian fart?

Question 3

Dart Board

My brother mounted a dartboard on the ceiling of his man cave. This made me throw up.

Question 4

Horoscope Joke

My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes...it Taurus apart.

Question 5

You Have My GUARANTEE!

The CEO of a Vacuum Cleaner company was impatient with the poor job his salespeople were doing, so one day he decided to do the job himself. He pulled up to an old house in his Mercedes Benz and knocked on the door. A little old barefoot man wearing overalls answered the knock on the door, only to be confronted by the very well dressed and dignified CEO in a $2,000 navy blue pin-striped business suit, a Hermes silk tie, a starched white shirt with monogrammed cufflinks, $700 shoes polished like black mirrors, and carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the well-dressed and impeccably groomed CEO. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Get lost, Mister fancy suit!" said the old man. "I haven't got any money" and he proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the CEO wedged his polished shoe in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." The old man again told him to get lost. And with that, the CEO emptied a bucket of mud all over his hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this mess from your carpet, sir, I will personally eat the remainder. I am the CEO! You have my GUARANTEE!" "I got a better idea" said the old man, "If you don't clean it all up, I'll swap those fancy clothes of yours fer my overalls. Your nice suit, your tie, your shoes, everything!" "Fine, sir!" said the CEO confidently. "I'll give you my clothes!" "Lemme ask you somethin', pal...Where are you goin' when you leave here?" The CEO answered very confidently: "To a VERY important conference! WHY?" "Will they let you in if yer barefoot?" said the old man. "Of course not!" said the CEO. "How much did you pay for those socks you'v got on?" asked the old man. "Fifty dollars" said the bewildered CEO. "I ain't never worn fifty dollar socks before!" said the old man. "It will be kinda hard for you to wear overalls to work, I guess!" said the old man. "WHAT?!" said the confused CEO. "And will you show how me to tie a necktie?" said the old man... One hour later, the door of the apartment opened, and the CEO carefully looked out. Seeing that no one was around, his foot appeared. A bare foot. He stepped out into the hallway - dressed only in overalls and bare feet. His expensive executive suit and tie had vanished, along with his confidence and dignity. The old man watched him run away to his car with a grin, admiring the expensive pinstriped suit and silk tie he had just acquired. He then sat down and pulled on the CEO's fifty dollar socks and gleaming shoes. "Now I gotta see about payin' that electric bill..."

Question 6

My Living Will

Last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetive state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." They got up, unplugged my computer and threw away my wine! The little ingrates.

Question 7

Octopus Laugh Joke

How do you make an octopus laugh?

Question 8

Alien In Garden Joke

What did the alien in the garden say?

Question 9

How To Become A Millionaire

Hugh Hefner became a multi-millionaire staying home in his pajamas. I'm not having the same results.

Question 10

King Pencil Joke

Who's the king of the pencil case?

JOKES INDEX

One Sad Coffee Coming Right Up!

Vegetarian Fart

Dart Board

Horoscope Joke

You Have My GUARANTEE!

My Living Will

Octopus Laugh Joke

Alien In Garden Joke

How To Become A Millionaire

King Pencil Joke

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