JOKES INDEX

Why is the dog man's best friend?

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!" And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played a lot of golf, and drank beer and whiskey, and had loads of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted.  The End.

I heard the more colorful your salad is, the better it is for you. So, I swapped my croutons for M&M's

When I go to someone else's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.

The other day I went to see a psychic. When I knocked on the door she shouted, "Who's there?" So I left.

Two flies are eating a turd. One of them farts, and the other one says "Dude, gross. I'm eating."

I farted in my wallet, now I have gas money.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psycology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid stand up!" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Teacher: What's usually used as the conductor of electricity?

Student: Why-er....

Teacher: Correct, wire. Now tell me, what is the unit of electrical power?

Student: The what?

Teacher: That's absolutely right, the watt.

Little Lori was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Lori?" "My goldfish died," replied Lori tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Lori patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."