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Coffee Can Make You Aggressive

Warning! Coffee can make you aggressive. Yesterday I had 15 beers at the bar, and my wife had 3 cups of coffee at home. When I got home she was extremely pissed off.

Grizzly

What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth?

Do The Crime Pay The Time

An 80-year-old lady was arrested for shoplifting. Judge: "What did you steal?" She replies, "A can of peaches." The judge then asked her how many peaches were in a can? She replied, "Six." Judge: "Ok, I'll give you six days in jail." Before the judge could pronounce the punishment, the husband spoke up and said, "What about ht can of peas!"

Police Questioning Joke

I got a call from the police station saying they want to interview me. Funny, I don't remember applying for a job there.

Hellman Mayonnaise Joke

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ...Sinko de Mayo.

15 Reasons Why Airplanes Are Better Than Women.

Airplanes are better that women because... 1. An airplane will kill you quickly...a woman takes her time.2. Airplanes like to do it inverted.3. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.4. An airplane's thrust to weight ratio is higher.5. An airplane does not get mad if you 'touch and go.' 6. An airplane does not object to a preflight inspection. 7. Airplanes come with manuals. 8. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits. 9. You can fly an airplane any time of the month. 10. Airplanes don't come with in-laws. 11. Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong. 12. Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown. 13. When flying, you and your airplane both arrive at the same time. 14. Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes, or if you buy airplane magazines. 15. It's OK to use tiedowns on your airplane.

My Wife's Birthday

My Wife's birthday is coming up in a few months. She's leaving jewelry catalogs around the house. Think I'll buy her a magazine rack.

Blondes At College

What are a blonde's first words after 4 years of college?

Leading Cause Of Dry Skin Joke

What’s the leading cause of dry skin?

Cloud Clothes Joke

What do clouds wear?

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