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Page 146 of 190
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Terrible Things You Do For Money
Joke:
I've done some terrible things for money... Like getting up early to go to work.
VOTE
Keep A Bottle Of Wine In The Fridge Joke
Joke:
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions... Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a bottle of wine in the fridge!
VOTE
Irish Jesus Joke
Joke:
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?
Punch Line
VOTE
Child Extortion
Joke:
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
VOTE
You Might Be A Redneck If... You Cut Your Grass...
Joke:
You Might be a redneck if... you cut the grass and find a car.
VOTE
Tweety Bird Knock Knock Joke
Joke:
Tweety
: knock knock.
Sylvester
: Who's there?
Tweety
: Gladys.
Sylvester
: Gladys who?
Tweety
: Gladys you and not that awful puddy tat!
VOTE
Finishing Up Yesterdays Work Joke
Joke:
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing up what I did yesterday.
VOTE
Chemist Joke
Joke:
I don't want to get to technical but... Chemists think alcohol is a solution!
VOTE
Fun-damentalist
Joke:
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks. "Well," they said, "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!" Quick as you like, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.
VOTE
Theatrical Puns
Joke:
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
VOTE
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