Elderly Jokes Page 3 of 6 Fart.com

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Never Done Anything Wild?

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, he's 95. We went to the food court to buy some lunch when we noticed a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look over and catch him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never did anything wild in your life?" Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food to prevent choking upon hearing his response. "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

High School Reunion

Have you ever been guilty of looking at someone your own age and thinking, "Surely, I can't look that old?". I was sitting in the waiting room, for my first appointment, with my new dentist. I noticed his diploma, on the wall, which showed his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall handsome boy who had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. I thought, "Could this be the same guy a had a secret crush on way back then?" Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. The balding, gray-haired man with a deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he attended my high school. "Yes. Yes, I did." he beamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "1959, why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit old son-of-a-gun asked, "What class did you teach?"

Elderly Jokes — High School Reunion Joke Meme.

Don The Chicken.

Don came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Don." Don was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken." Don was devastated but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Don the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Don. "Well, just relax and let it happen," says the rooster. "It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head and heard... "Don, wake up! You shit the bed!"

Ok Boomer

I don't know how to use TikTok, but I can write in cursive, do long division, and tell time on clocks with hands... so there's that.

Elderly Newlyweds

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?'" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently," she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - "Would that be one word or two?"

Elderly Jokes — Elderly Newlyweds Joke Meme

Retirement

How many days in a retiree's week? 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.
When is a retiree's bedtime? Two hours after falling asleep on the couch.
How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.
What's the biggest gripe of retirees? There is not enough time to get everything done.
Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? The term comes with a 10% discount.
Among retirees, what is considered formal attire? Tied shoes.
Why do retirees count pennies? They are the only ones who have the time.
What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? NUTS!
Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic, or garage? They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
What do retirees call a long lunch? Normal.
What is the best way to describe retirement? The never-ending Coffee Break.
What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. And, my very favorite...
What do you do all week? Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied... "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

I've Sure Gotten Old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. Thank goodness, I still have my driver's license.

Elderly Jokes — I've sure gotten old! Joke Meme

104 Years Old

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked... She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

Where Are The Easter Egg

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

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